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Your next read quiz

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Your next read quiz

 

Which female author’s recent book should you pick up next? Take the below nostalgic quiz to find out!

 

  1. Which one is your favorite desi snack from childhood?

Your next read quiz

 

 

 

  1. Chocki
  2. Top pops
  3. Eyeglass bunties

 

  1. Which 90s Pakistan television show can you still binge-watch?

Your next read quiz

 

 

  1. Dhoop Kinare
  2. Tanhaiyan
  3. Alpha Bravo Charlie

 

  1. Music band from the 90s you are still a fan of?

Your next read quiz

 

 

  1. Jal 
  2. Junoon
  3. Vital Signs

 

 

  1. When outdoor games used to be a thing, which one could you never get bored of?

 

 

  1. Kho Kho
  2. Hopscotch 
  3. Baraf pani

 

  1. Which popular app do you miss using?

 

 

  1. Orkut
  2. BBM
  3. MSN messenger

 

  1. Who doesn’t like cartoons? Which one of the three makes you instantly nostalgic?

 

 

  1. Tom & Jerry 
  2. The Powerpuff Girls
  3. Johnny Bravo

 

  1. What was your biggest flex back in childhood?

 

 

  1. Playing ring-toss game
  2. Owning shaka laka boom boom pencil
  3. Shoes with flashy lights

 

 

If you got mostly:

a’s: The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab: Historical fiction about a young immortal who is cursed to get forgotten by everyone she meets but 300-years later, someone remembers her…

 

b’s: Home Body by Rupi Kaur: A wonderful collection of short poems by the renowned Rupi Kaur. Powerful words not to be missed…

 

c’s: The Switch by Beth O’Leary: The perfect cure for a bad day! You will convulse with laughter as witty Grandma Eileen and workaholic granddaughter Leena (who badly needs a vacay) switch places… 

 

Which book did you get? Let us know on Instagram @femmerang!


Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

Find More About Us at Femmmerang

Zero Thinking

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Hi everybody, how are you feeling? In the previous article, we discussed what is guilt and types of guilt. If you are struggling with guilt then let’s explore what are the underlining causes regarding it and how can we manage it?

 Guilt exists due to the fixed irrational belief that you should have known what might have happened in the future. They believe that you should have known in advance all the negative consequences. And the following thinking pattern that you should have made a different decision.

Since you cannot change the decision you made, you feel trapped can’t find any way out. You may find yourself revisiting the past and rewriting the script of the event. 

 You may also avoid meeting those whom you believe have been impacted by your decision or those who remind you of the effects of the decisions. Constantly trying to make up for the mistakes you believe you made can place immense stress on emotional wellbeing. You may consider or act out some self-harm attempts as you believe that the damage is irreparable. Or taking drugs or alcohol in an attempt to punish yourself. 

 To heal and manage guilt we need to have the following conversation with ourselves.

  1. To communicate with oneself and understand that we cannot anticipate what, if any, potentially negative consequences might ensue.
  2. You must challenge and change the negative thinking pattern. Thinking that avoiding people, places that remind you of the guilt or self-medicating with drugs or self-harm will not change the irrational belief of guilt you have. It will not change the negative outcome of which occurred due to the decision/s you took. Beating yourself up is not also a waste of time but unhealthy for your mental health. 
  3. Apply the CBT technique which is explained in detail in the previous articles 
  4. “Accepting” and understanding that there is no use of being angry or frustrated with oneself for being able to predict the future. 
  5. Being your authentic self and true to oneself and repeating this to yourself that “I took the decision which best of my intentions”. Moreover repeating that “I cannot control the outcome”. 

 I hope and pray that these small steps help you change the negative, irrational and unhealthy thinking patterns. If you feel that you need professional help, please feel free to reach out to femmerang team.

Zero Thinking

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Hi everyone, hope you are doing well. Prayers for my readers who consciously make effort for their healing and well-being. Today we will be exploring another unhealthy negative emotion. This emotion can be very destructive and lead to self-harm as well. This emotion is linked with the emotion we discussed earlier in the articles, that is depression and anxiety. 

This negative emotion is called Guilt. It is wishful thinking that you could turn back the clock to change the outcome of few decisions you made in past. It makes you go through the loop of regret and remorse. What if I tell you that it is possible to release yourself from the guilt and restore your inner sense of peace? To release guilt we need to understand what guilt is and how it is created.

Guilt 

Guilt is an unhealthy negative emotion that carries this belief that something you have done has caused harm and distress to other person or people. It is a cycle of negative thinking in which we are unable to forgive ourselves for some action or behavior. So we beat ourselves up with the feeling of remorse and regret. 

 

Difference between guilt and shame

 

We earlier also explored the feeling of shame. People confuse shame with guilt. Shame is an internally felt emotion triggered by the risk of others finding out something about us and judging us negatively. Whereas guilt is more related to the consequences of actions that we have or have not taken and how these have impinged on others. 

 

Guilt is such a destructive emotion that has led to serious self-harm as the person sees no way out of the crisis of the guilt they have created. 

 

Let’s explore the top 5 common guilt triggers 

 

  1. Relationship Guilt: This may include one party having an affair or affairs often unknown to others. Spending too much time at work and not managing time with loved ones. Not visiting or keeping contact with an elderly person or relative who subsequently dies.
  2. Financial Guilt: Due to financial issues it leads us to make extremely poor decisions with disastrous consequences. 
  3. Abuse Guilt: You may feel guilty for not stopping or intervening in a past situation where someone close to you was being abused. 
  4. Accident Guilt: This guilt is a belief that you could have avoided some circumstances where another person was seriously injured or died as a result of an accident or mishap. 
  5. Survivor Guilt: This is common to those who survive an accident along with their family members/friends and they pass away. They feel that they could have died and their loved ones could have been alive. 

 

In the next article, we will explore how can we manage our emotion of guilt? So stay tuned and stay strong. 

STARTING A HOME BUSINESS AND ITS BENEFITS

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During the Pandemic in 2020, we had no choice but to bid farewell to our daily and regular social and work responsibilities. In short, we all found ourselves spending more time at home with a great deal of free time on our hands. Not only did it give everyone a break but allowed us all a chance to focus on things we never spared time for; it allowed so many women to work on something. A breakthrough came a couple of months after the virus’s outbreak when social media showed a rise in home-based businesses, especially by women. Not only did this give these women a chance to earn but it also gave them a chance to reach their full potential. Here’s why women should take up this excellent opportunity and open a home-based business themselves.

Easily Manageable at Home

With a halt in our daily commute and social obligations, women have the advantage of ample free time on their hands. So, this provides you with the best opportunity to work and plan solely on opening your own business and that too at your own house! You can devise the complete business plan with ease. Now’s the best time! The major benefit is that home-businesses are easy to manage with other personal responsibilities be it academic responsibilities or family related.

Different Experiments

Owing to the free time on account of the pandemic, you can experiment with lots of things. Make a list of all your hobbies and things you’re good at: baking, cooking, art, writing, teaching, embroidery and the list goes on. Try to find something you’d be able to sell and experiment endlessly with it. For example, in the case of baking and cooking it’s possible to experiment with different recipes and different cuisines. Always remember, it’s okay to make mistakes because that’s where you’ll learn the most. In the end, you will be sure of what you want to work on exactly.

 

   Be Your Own Boss

The best part is- You are your own boss! You get to decide your working hours, your strategies and everything regarding your business is solely your own choice.

You get to do what you like.

You can do it whenever you want to.

Also, you decide wherever you want to work.

All three things combined will make the work even more exciting. The biggest plus point is that you don’t have to follow anyone else’s orders.

 

Passion & Following Your Dream

Running your own business is undoubtedly an excellent way of doing what you love- you get to work on things you are passionate about. Sadly, this can hardly ever be achieved if you work for someone else or some other enterprise. So, with your own startup you can work on your crazy, new and unique ideas and introduce them to the world as well.

 

Spending Money

Once you establish your own successful start-up, there will inevitably be cash coming in; you will be earning your own hard-earned money. Financial independence is the best gift a woman can give herself and this is an excellent source of achieving that milestone in your life. Consider that extra money a gift from you to yourself and go spend it. Buy that expensive sweater you liked, take yourself out for a fancy lunch, the list can go on. Also, you can always spend the money you earn on re-investing in your business- your own efforts will go on into expanding your enterprise.

 

Saving Money

One major lesson COVID-19 has taught us is how crucial savings are for a secure future. Thus, with your own business not only do you get to spend on yourself, but you get to build up on your savings. Financial independence followed by financial security gives women a lot more power than even they themselves realize. It will become easier to increase your savings by keeping aside a small proportion of your monthly earnings.

 

Chances of Growth

We must not forget that large businesses once started small and, in many cases, they started at home. A major example and inspiration can be taken from the brand “Shan Foods” which initially started as a home-based business in 1981 (part of the cottage industry). Today, it is a leading and internationally recognized and in demand brand. Therefore, you must never hesitate to implement your unique ideas as you always have the chance of growing in the future.

 

 

Learning Environment

Starting up and running a business provides a learning opportunity and a learning environment. It’s hard to imagine intense learning while you’re at home; but surprisingly you can still learn a lot. The planning and execution of the business venture teaches time discipline as deliveries on time are crucial for your business’s success. Not just that you get to directly interact with your customers and build a healthy work relationship; something impossible otherwise.

 

You’re an Entrepreneur

Yes, you get to call yourself an entrepreneur! Never think of yourself as anything less as you completely qualify as one. Fun fact: In the Bollywood movie “English Vinglish”, Sridevi was a housewife who made and sold home-made ‘ladoos’ (sweetmeats) herself and was quite popular for those. However, she never knew or acknowledged the fact that she ran a business until a foreigner told her that she was an ‘entrepreneur’ when she went on a trip abroad. It’s sad how women need to seek external validation to recognize their full potential, but you don’t need any of that. No matter how big or small your business is, you are nothing less than an entrepreneur. Thus, women must never hesitate to call themselves that.

 

 

Motivation to work

Besides having all the advantages of running your own business yourself, this also allows you to become a source of motivation for other women around you. With your experiences and expertise, you can fully and completely guide other women who want to take their step towards financial independence but are hesitant to do so. By helping other women around you, indirectly you will be fulfilling a social responsibility. There is nothing better than a more empowered society where women build each other up.

 

Supporting Others

With financial independence and security comes great benefits to one’s own self but apart from that you get to support and influence plenty of other lives attached to you; you can support your own parents, children etc. without depending on anyone else. You can also play a huge role in influencing the lives of other women by purchasing from their small and newly established businesses. Your small purchase might be insignificant to a large firm but might mean everything to a small business. In your own way, you can play your part in making the world a better place with your little efforts. Your small business can lay the basis of supporting other small businesses around you, especially those run by women.

 

 

These are few of the major potential benefits of running one’s own home-based business. We aim to motivate all women to start-up their own entrepreneurship, especially during the current situation. Next up, we will provide a complete guide of how to start a self-run and home-based business. Stay tuned!

Mahvish Akhtar from the ceo's desk

From The CEO’s DESK -19th Jan 2021

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Hello Dear Friends,

We have left the past behind. Let’s hope the past has gone with all its ugliness and hardships. Let’s pray that this year is bringing brighter days ahead. We all have worked really hard and lost so much in this last year. However, it hasn’t all been bad. There were moments of happiness and glimpses of joy every now and again to help us realize that nothing is 100% in this world. We are here to keep trying, there are never any guarantees.

All we can do is help each other grow and create a better world. In case you forgot, you know we haven’t that’s exactly what Femmerang is trying to do. We are trying to create a better today for women so we can together create a better tomorrow for ourselves and our families tomorrow.

That effort is not going to stop today because it’s a new year and we might think it’s a day to celebrate. We don’t know yet what 2021 has in store for us. What we known is what we here at Femmerang.com have stored for you.

After everything we have been through we can all learn a little on our wellness team to help us transition into the unknown of the newness of what’s to come. Take advantage of that, please. The team is here for you. Hand-picked by me.

The website and YouTube, social media channels are always there to inform and entertain. However, I would again insist on getting the help we all deserve from our wellness Team. I mean what have we got to lose. Right?

In the mean time you look after yourselves, ya hear?

Oh, and Happy New Year.

Ma’a asalaama

Mahvish Akhtar

Mahvish Akhtar from the ceo's desk

From The Femmerang CEO’s Desk December 5, 2020

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I am so proud of each and every one of you . Our femmerang team has been trying our best to bring the most useful information to our dear readers. These past months have not been easy. 2020 has been so difficult. We have been tried and tested in the worst ways possible. Everything has been telling us to give up and hide in some corner of our minds. Not in just put minds but also our homes. Most of us however have been brave. We have done what it takes to live our lives. 

Remember living your life doesn’t always mean doing it in front of an audience. Everyone is different in real life. Everyone lives their lives differently. Maybe you are one of those people who don’t like a show. You might be the quiet type. For you, living your life means doing your thing in your world but in the best way that you know. 

On the other hand you might be the life of the party. You are a must at every zoom party and every rooftop that ever did get lit. You did your thing even if you were exhausted at the end of the day. We all tried our best. We are all trying our best. 

At some point if we decide its okay to stop and take a little breather that will be okay too. That is not called giving up. That is called just relaxing and letting yourself off the hook. 

 I say we all deserve a day off. If you can’t take a day off take a few hours or even a few minutes to yourselves just to acknowledge that you work hard and do your job well. 

Go ahead acknowledge yourself. Out loud, not just to yourself but to the people around you. Tell them that you are strong and brave and that you deserve a break. Tell them that you deserve to be seen and heard. Let them everyone know that you are proud of yourself. Be proud of yourself because there are so many that are even if they don’t tell you all the time. 

I am definitely one of them. 

In the mean time you look after yourselves, ya hear?

Ma’a asalaama

Mahvish Akhtar

“Love”

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“Love” for FemmeRang.com

I fell in love

First, I fell in love all at once

I fell in love with every word uttered from their lips

To hear the sweet symphony of his voice

The melody

Was so beloved to me

Then, I fell in love slowly

Years and years of service, gratitude, and grace

Transfixed my eyes and and made me blind

To all others

I blushed

When he spoke

Like the sun in all of its Magnificent glory

I could not look directly at him

He made me laugh

And when I did my heart skipped a beat

So palpably that I thought to myself

Did anyone else notice?

Time passes yet this love burns so bright

In silence

And we plan

And God plans

And by Allāh, Allah is the best of planners

But still A prick of sadness

when life moves on

And he moves on

Recalibration Introspection Reflection

Time

Acceptance

I come to realize with my eyes wide

Why I fell in love

It wasn’t his infectious laugh

The way he spoke

Or even what he looked like

I was wrong the whole time I was looking at the outside not looking inward

I fell in love and it was

The Quran in his heart

The Sunnah on his tongue

The Akhlaq in his life

And with that I let go of

My love of the outside shell

And search for a love

With purpose

Motivational Speech

From The CEO’s Desk

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From The CEO’s Desk

Hello friends, hope you have been well; if there is one prayer I could make for you it would be that Allah blesses you all with content of the heart. Isn’t that the greatest gift? So much happens in our lives that we have no control over, we worry and fret over every uncontrollable, unsolvable part of our lives. I wish we could just accept life the way it is. I wish we could just leave be what cannot be changed.

Motivational Speech

Now don’t confuse this with making change, don’t confuse this with having to work hard for what needs to change and what we need to struggle to change. We have to work for that, that is what we are all here to do. We will no doubt accomplish what we have set out to do. However, we cannot get on with the real work unless we close those open doors and windows bringing in ghosts that are whispering bitter-sweets, in the end, all that is left is bitter.

Let’s help each other move on. Speaking of moving on, do I need to remind you that we have great content on the website almost every week and we are bringing great material to you on our YouTube channel as well. If you are liking what we already have, just keep watching, reading, there is a lot more coming.

Yes, I plug shamelessly because we work tirelessly.

Stay in good health and good spirits and as always tell me more of what you want to read and see. My job is to give you what you want.

In the meantime you look after yourselves, ya hear?

Ma’a asalaama

Mahvish Akhtar

If ‘All The Bright Places’ by Jennifer Niven was a Pakistani show

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All The Bright Places is one of the most celebrated novels of Jennifer Niven. It focuses on issues of mental health and depression through the story of Finch & Violet, from Indiana. But how would the story be different if it was a mainstream Pakistani drama serial?

The encounter:

It would start off a little differently where our female protagonist, Vardah meets our male protagonist, Faraz at work, during one of her depressive episodes. In All The Bright Places (ATBP), we had Finch suffering from bipolar disorder (manic depression) but how dare we show a man as a weaker, more vulnerable gender in ‘our’ drama.

Vardah is an innocent and naïve girl, coming from a humble background and Faraz, her new ‘rich’ boss falls in love with her instantly. The setting here must be changed from high school to an office because we simply cannot promote teen romance!

Our female lead is simply beautiful; long hair, big eyes, slim, moderate height and gora rang. And Faraz is…wait, who cares what he looks like? He’s a wealthy businessman who will be her savior & his ‘love’ will cure all her ‘sadness’ (because depression is just a myth, after all). That should be sufficient.

The visits:

Faraz comes up with a way to save her from all her troubles (and be her hero). He offers her to work on a big project (did someone say favoritism at work?), involving ‘site visits’ with him (reference to the school project to explore Indiana, which Finch & Violet had). What business he has, shall never be disclosed. All we know is that he attends lots of meetings, wears bespoke three-piece suits & makes constant references to random files and reports. That’s what big businessmen do, don’t they?

The site visits turn out to be just an excuse to spend some time with Vardah and they go everywhere but sites. Unlike Finch from ATBP who came up with a rule to leave something (physical) behind to show they were at a place, our Faraz wants to create memories, which the audience will repeatedly see in their flashback, supported by sad, emotional OST playing in the background. They visit Sea View, and draw hearts in sand, mall because how is he rich if he doesn’t spend bucks on buying designer clothes for his lady, and finally, dinner at his regular fancy café.

One day spent together is all it takes Vardah to open up about her ‘sadness’. And it is nothing other than her financial situation (because that’s the most creative we can get) that’s ‘worrying’ her. He consoles her by saying ‘sab theek hojayega’ and confesses about his feelings, only to realize it is mutual.

The climax & end:

Just like Ryan (Violets’ ex), we have Rizwan, whose sole purpose is to separate the two. He was no ex of Vardah (she is a morally white character) but sent by Faraz’s father because he didn’t want his son to marry a poor girl like Vardah. Didn’t see that coming, did you?

Faraz starts to doubt Vardah’s character and feels betrayed. Neither does he answer her calls nor reply to her messages (but he is still our hero). He stops coming to work & the only option left for Vardah is to confront him face-to-face. She goes to his house, they meet and all the misunderstandings are magically cleared.

Father sees his plans failing & now conspires to get her killed. They are rich people so we will assume, getting arrested is not their concern. Since every Pakistani drama is incomplete without someone dying, instead of Vardah, Faraz mistakenly gets shot and that will also be considered as a punishment for the father.

In the book, Finch took his life away as his mental health worsened but we do not show someone’s death out of depression in our shows. Our mentality doesn’t allow us to think along those lines where someone dies due to a mental illness.

The facts:

As per statistics, more than 14 million people in Pakistan suffer from some form of mental illness, majority being women. Many have also committed suicide due to the same, yet it is overlooked & shunned in our society. People cannot openly talk about their mental health in the fear of being mocked.

Our media avoids this issue too. We don’t see news about mental health in mainstream media and the issue has only been raised on social media platforms, that too very recently. Apart from a few dramas, we do not see characters, especially male characters, which aren’t mentally strong and need help. It’s time this changes. We need to see such issues being highlighted in our dramas that do not seem to move past stories involving sister rivalries, caste conflicts & saas-bahu clashes.

Should I get married in secret?

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Dear         ہمراز

My parents want me to marry someone from my baba’s family. I met him years ago. Now I met him again three months ago when they gave the Rishta. He’s not a bad person, but I don’t know him or his family. Everyone is in a hurry to accept the Rishta and say yes. I think it’s because I want to say no.

My question is, should just do Nikkah with someone else in secret? That way, my parents can’t make me marry him. It’s not like I’m in love with anyone, but there are many men I know much better than this guy. I would rather spend my life with someone I know than with a stranger.

Looking for an out,

 Fareen.

(edited for length and clarity)

Dear Fareen,

I wish there was a simple answer. There are a few questions you need to ask yourself before you make any kind of decision۔

Question 1: Is this decision not even to consider this guy coming from a place of not wanting to marry THIS guy or not wanting to marry this guy because your family is recommending him? Dig deep?  You are obviously not against getting married. And you are ready to marry someone you are not in love with.

Question 2: Have the reasons been clearly communicated to your family as to why you don’t want to marry this guy? Many times the real problems get lost in translation. It feels like we are clear about the situation, but we think that way because we are transparent in our heads, it might not feel that way to others.

Question 3: Have you asked your parents and other adults why this person? Why now? Are you clear on that? Again, so much gets lost in translation. Not that any reason would be good enough to force you to do anything you don’t want to. However, finding out their reasons might make it easier for you to talk to them in their language and make them understand.

So many times in these kinds of situations, we assume the other party understands and doesn’t care, or we assume that they just don’t care to even find out about our reasons. We have to stop guessing and give it our all before going to extreme measures. I am not ALWAYS against extreme measures, but if those measures are not going to make you happy, then why?

Im not in the business of giving yes or no answers, but this one time, I would say NO to marrying some random guy to avoid marrying some random guy.

 I think this is a very high-stress high emotional situation for you. Tell your family you might think about it if you had the time and less stress of having to decide in a hurry.

Don’t ruin your life with someone else in fear of ruining your experience with this one.

I hope this helps.

Write back. Let me know if any of this was helpful.

Comment, like, share, ask away.

Im Always Here.

Yourہمراز .