Zero Thinking Special Edition

Hi everyone, how are my strong and resilient followers doing? Hope you are doing well. And if you are not, it’s okay. It’s completely fine. And if no one has said it to you, you should know that I am super proud of you. I am, genuinely!

Can you believe that we are finally entering the last month of 2020? This month has been super crazy no? We all have experienced the news of death, to the news of the birth of a newborn baby. To the news of separation to the news of corona weddings, to the news of people starting their own business to the news of how belongings of people were damaged in the rain. To the people of all age groups enjoying the rain to experiencing the damaged roads in the city. We all had different struggles but this year was all about taking good with bad. It was all about learning how to balance.

In previous articles, we discussed emotions, understood what is self-healing to understanding different types of negative emotions. We dived deep into anxiety and its types, to panic attacks, phobias and its type to cognitive distortions to depression and learning about CBT and how to apply it. You have come so far! Did you take a moment to appreciate yourself? Did you pause for a moment and gave credit to yourself how far you have come? If not so please do it right now! As we will not proceed.

Here are the following sentences you have to say to yourself ATLEAST three times before we discuss other negative emotions.

1. I am healing

2. I will let go of all the ill feelings

3. I will rise

4. I am enough

5. I choose myself

6. I believe in myself

7. I will not give up on myself

9. I am consistent in developing healthy habits 

10. Self-discipline is self-love

SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!

This is your first step towards self-love. Make a habit to say these words to yourself every time you get up. Okay?

Lots of love and prayers for you, keep swimming as in the next article we will touch on a little heavy and difficult negative emotion. And what is that? For that, you need to read the next article.

holiday reads

Holiday Reads 2020

Watched all the holiday movies we recommended? Wanna switch to reading now but don’t know which book to pick up next? Worry not! We’ve got you covered. 

Below is a rather unusual list of holiday reads. Let us know @femmerang if you read any of them!  

1. Wonder by R. J. Palacio

Christmas is all about love, hope, acceptance, and Wonder manages to convey all these messages through one novel. A heartwarming story about a young boy and his struggles due to his rare facial deformation, this book will bring tears to your eyes while making you count your blessings. Also, it will teach you to never judge people based on their looks, as we are unaware of what they are facing or who they truly are. 

P.S: There’s a movie adaptation by the same title, which you can watch after completing the book too! 

2. If I stay by Gayle Forman

Ever read a book narrated by a dead person? If not, then this is your time to do so. 

If I stay, a book about choices, whether to stay or to leave this world, will put you in a dilemma too. Should Mia’s subconsciously alive self decide to fulfill commitments with her love interest, Adam, and come back to life or join her parents and little brother in heaven (supposedly) after a brutal car accident? It’s her decision to make. This book is capable of making you experience life in between the two worlds. 

P.S: There is a movie of this one too, in case you haven’t watched!

3. The Beginning Of The World In The Middle Of The Night by Jen Campbell:

Although the title is very long, surprisingly, the book is quite short. Based on multiple short stories, this book will give you another perspective about fairytales and renowned myths. 

But what if Jack took those magic beans and planted them inside himself, instead?

Interweaving stories we all grew up with, with contemporary era, Campbell’s unconventional style of story telling makes it a compelling, exciting and cheerful read. 

P.S: How beautiful is that cover. An element from each short story has been illustrated inside the heart – so clever!

4. Caraval by Stephanie Garber:

What’s festivity without some carnival-ish feel? The magical Caraval is an escape from cruel realities of Scarlett and Dontella Dragna. A life-long dream, which might turn into a nightmare; a mere game that would cost someone their life, and a search that might end with a thrilling revelation. There is just so much to explore in 450-pages.

P.S: Especially recommended for those who have read and enjoyed The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern.

5. A Pocket Full Of Rye by Agatha Christie:

The Queen of Crime, Agatha Christie, is your perfect pick for the year-end. Indulge yourself into the crazy case of rye, found in the pockets of Mr. Fortescue, who has been murdered using taxine. This Miss Marple mystery is a definite page-turner that will keep you hooked till the very end and shock you when the killer is unveiled. Inspired by a nursery rhyme, A Pocket Full of Rye, is a case where you will doubt everyone’s intentions. 

Will the most unlikely person turn out to be guilty or was it Mr. Fortescue’s past that was haunting him? Read to know!  

Bonus Agatha Christie recommendation (in case you cannot get enough of her writing): 

Appointment with death – Mrs. Boynton, a controlling woman is found dead while vacationing with her family. Her demise is not mourned by anyone rather turns out to be emancipation from her dominance. 24 hours to solve the case. That is it. And Hercule Poirot, the famous Belgium detective is on it. Will he be successful in revealing who committed this heinous crime?

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

this or that

This or That – Fashion Diaries From Ongoing Pakistani Dramas

If you are a Fashionista and someone who loves watching Pakistani dramas then you will enjoy playing this or that.    

[IT_EPOLL id=”4244″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4249″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4254″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4258″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id="4263"][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4268″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4274″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4279″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4284″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4288″][/IT_EPOLL]

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

harry potter quiz

Quiz for All ‘Harry Potter’ Lovers

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy

Lunch with Harry Potter or Dinner with Draco Malfoy?   


What would you do in the below situations? Choose either option and know whether you’re having lunch with Harry Potter or dinner with Draco Malfoy!

 [IT_EPOLL id="4192"][/IT_EPOLL] 

[IT_EPOLL id="4199"][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id="4204"][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4213″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id="4216"][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4220″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4224″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4228″][/IT_EPOLL]

[IT_EPOLL id=”4232″][/IT_EPOLL]

If you got mostly:

A’s: You’re going for lunch with Harry Potter! You spend a good amount of time talking about sports, food & friends!

B’s: You’re going for dinner with Draco Malfoy! You spend a good amount of time talking about work, family and shopping!

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

hum-raaz

Dear Humraaz: Our Mission is to Empower Women

From day 1 mission of femmerang team is to empower women.  All the efforts we are putting into is to bring the most useful and helpful healthcare and fitness tips for all ladies out there. You are very precious you need to learn how to love yourself and know your worth.  

From your ہمراز

The purpose for all of us being here is so you can spill your guts.

Tell me something you can’t tell anyone else. Tell me something that’s been nagging at you and you haven’t been able to get off your chest. The purpose of this isn’t going to be always to solve life-altering problems. We got some very heavy questions but felt they were more suitable for one-on-one consultation. 

How has your day been going? Are you having a difficult time with your boss? Children can be difficult, can’t they? Let’s talk about that. 

With that said, we don’t want to discourage you from asking the hard questions, the real life questions. We are here for you. We will do whatever we can and however we can. Here is a questions someone recently asked. I hope it helps the rest of you as well.

These days when some people are bringing troubles into our lives there are still some who know your worth and women are helping women more precisely empowered women empowering women we need to understand this.

Dear ہمراز:

I recently had a mental breakdown. I know it because I read about and searched it online. My family has no idea. Maybe I didn’t, who knows. I was crying day and night. I had locked myself in my room and kept away from everyone. I wouldn’t respond to anyone talking to me. I wanted to kill myself. I actually wanted to end it all. Why I went into this mode is a long story, I don’t even know if I’m completed out of it. I never killed myself because my parents thought I was being over dramatic about everything and told me I’m not allowed to go anywhere or visit anyone until I fix my attitude. I didn’t care because I didn’t want to. The one thing that came out of it was that I had a 24 hour watch on me and I was never alone. 

There were times when I felt like I was physically suffocating as if the air was leaving my body and I was going to die. I would panic. Not because I was dying but because it hurt so much. I couldn’t tell anyone because no one would take it seriously. 

I’m feeling a bit better but I’m still miserable. I don’t know what to do.

Rose

24

My Beautiful Girl,

You were/are having panic and anxiety attacks from what I can tell. This is not anything small. You are a very brave. For me to help you firstly we will have to figure out where the main cause of the problem. Is there a friend or any other family member that you can talk to while you are going through this? Usually we suggest to go to a doctor or psychiatrist or psychological but it seems that’s not possible for you at the moment. Until that becomes a possibility, find a friend. 

If things become really bad contact the government emergency hotline. We will state the numbers below.

In the mean time I  will give you some breathing techniques and conditioning activities to help you through this.

In order to help 

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR)

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) is a simple relaxation technique that helps reduce anxiety and muscle tension.

It involves stretching and relaxing different muscles in your body in a certain order.

It should take you about 20 minutes from start to finish. Like most relaxation techniques, it will get easier with practice. But you should feel some benefit straight away.

Here’s how it works:

Find a warm, quiet place with no distractions. Get comfortable, either sitting or lying down.

Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply from your belly.

Next, work through the stretches below.

Hold each stretch for a few seconds then relax it. Repeat each stretch 3 or 4 times.

  1. Face: Push your eyebrows together as if frowning, then release.
  2. Neck: Gently tilt your head forwards, pushing your chin towards your chest. Then slowly lift your head again.
  3. Shoulders: Pull them towards your ears like a shrug. Then relax them downwards towards your feet.
  4. Chest: Breathe slowly and deeply into your belly, below the bottom rib, so that you’re using all of your lungs. Then breathe out slowly, letting your belly deflate.
  5. Arms: Stretch your arms away from your body, reach, then relax.
  6. Legs: Curl your toes away from your body, then pull them towards the body, then relax.
  7. Wrists and hands: Stretch your wrist by pulling your hand towards you. Stretch out the fingers and thumbs, then relax.

When you’re done, spend a few moments sitting or lying quietly with your eyes closed. When you feel ready, stretch and get up slowly.

Mahvish Akhtar from the ceo's desk

From The Femmerang CEO’s Desk December 5, 2020

I am so proud of each and every one of you . Our femmerang team has been trying our best to bring the most useful information to our dear readers. These past months have not been easy. 2020 has been so difficult. We have been tried and tested in the worst ways possible. Everything has been telling us to give up and hide in some corner of our minds. Not in just put minds but also our homes. Most of us however have been brave. We have done what it takes to live our lives. 

Remember living your life doesn’t always mean doing it in front of an audience. Everyone is different in real life. Everyone lives their lives differently. Maybe you are one of those people who don’t like a show. You might be the quiet type. For you, living your life means doing your thing in your world but in the best way that you know. 

On the other hand you might be the life of the party. You are a must at every zoom party and every rooftop that ever did get lit. You did your thing even if you were exhausted at the end of the day. We all tried our best. We are all trying our best. 

At some point if we decide its okay to stop and take a little breather that will be okay too. That is not called giving up. That is called just relaxing and letting yourself off the hook. 

 I say we all deserve a day off. If you can’t take a day off take a few hours or even a few minutes to yourselves just to acknowledge that you work hard and do your job well. 

Go ahead acknowledge yourself. Out loud, not just to yourself but to the people around you. Tell them that you are strong and brave and that you deserve a break. Tell them that you deserve to be seen and heard. Let them everyone know that you are proud of yourself. Be proud of yourself because there are so many that are even if they don’t tell you all the time. 

I am definitely one of them. 

In the mean time you look after yourselves, ya hear?

Ma’a asalaama

Mahvish Akhtar

Lessons from Kashf’s last episode

Just when we felt the drama was being dragged, Kashf left us speechless with a heartbreaking yet meaningful end. Here are some of our favorite dialogues and instances from the finale.

P.S: For everyone not familiar with the story, the drama revolves around the life of a pious girl, Kashf, who realized her dreams were predictions of the future, leading her greedy family to use this gift for their benefit and earn money from telling others their future.

1. ‘Hota wohi hai, jo Khuda chahta hai’

During the final meeting of Kashf & Wajhdaan, on the rooftop, this one-liner was Kashf’s response to all his complains. We see Wajhdaan, who was now showing symptoms of developing a mental disorder, repeating this phrase continuously (emphasizing upon the message of the drama serial). A profound dialogue that beautifully sums up our lives (and the entire play too – at the end of the day, everything aligned with Kashf’s dreams, in other words, God’s will).

2. Kashf’s final advice to her ‘mureeds’

The last message of Kashf to everyone who visited the aastana for the last time was to pray (‘namaz parho’) and ask God (‘dua maango’) directly, as he listens to everyone. The whole plot was based around Kashf being a mediator between God and his people but she implicitly discloses that God has a direct connection with his creation and this culture (portrayed in the show) should not be promoted.

3. Warning to Zoya

After Zoya (Kashf’s sister) succeeds in marrying Wajhdaan, by wrong means, Kashf warns her that everyone will be left empty handed at the end of the day (‘kisi ke haath kuch nahi ayega’). Despite getting what Zoya desperately wanted, the drama teaches us that one can never find true happiness and peace by obtaining something by hurting others or conspiring against them.

4. Kashf’s peaceful death

The death scene made everyone shed tears with brilliant performance by Hira Mani. The episode began as a preparation of a believer’s death, who had surrendered to God. She offered fajar, wore itar, drank Aab-e-Zam-Zam (holy water) and died in sujood, while offering prayers. A perfect conclusion to the show!

How did you all like the end of Kashf? Let us know @femmerang on Instagram.

zero thinking

Zero Thinking

Hi, how is your mental health? I hope you tried the CBT activity. During that activity did you realize that most of the problems we face in our life are due to the negative set of believes we hold about ourselves?

Well, Cognitive-behavioral therapy does aim to change our thought patterns, our conscious and unconscious beliefs, and, ultimately, our behavior, to help us face difficulties and achieve our goals.

But today let’s discover what kind of negative beliefs you hold about yourself and how you can apply the ABC method to resolve those beliefs. In other words, they are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns called “cognitive distortions”.

Keep a paper and pen while you read these so it helps you identify your irrational thought patterns about yourself. 

15 main cognitive distortions

1. Filtering

It is a thinking pattern in which a person ignores all the positive things in their life and focuses only on the negative things.  

2. Polarized Thinking /Black-and-White Thinking

When a person thinks in two extremes.

For example, if you don’t perform perfectly in some area, of your life then you may see yourself as a complete failure instead of simply identifying that you maybe unskilled or immature in one area.

3. Overgeneralization

Overgeneralization is when you take one incident or point drawing a conclusion based on that one incident. 

4. Jumping to Conclusions

Jumping to conclusions refers to the tendency to be sure of something without any evidence at all.

5. Catastrophizing / Magnifying or

Minimizing

This refers to expecting that the worst will happen or has happened, based on an incident. For example, you may make a small mistake at work and be convinced that you’ll lose your job.

As in, minimizing the importance of positive things.

6. Personalization

A person with this distortion will feel that he or she has an exaggerated role in the bad things that happen around them. They believe that they attract bad things.  

7. Control Fallacies

This distortion involves assuming that every mistake another person makes is because of something they did. This is something most desi moms do if a child does something they don’t approve of or like, they assume that it’s because of their upbringing. 

8. Fallacy of Fairness

We are often concerned about fairness, but this concern can be taken to extremes. As we all know, life is not always fair. The person who goes through life looking for fairness in all their experiences will end up resentful and unhappy.

9. Blaming

When you do not take responsibility for the way you feel or act. But blaming others for making us feel or act a certain way. 

10. “Shoulds”

“Shoulds” refer to the rules we made for ourselves and others. For example that this is how I should or should have behaved. Or this is how he/she should or should have behaved. When others break our rules, we are upset. When we break our own rules, we feel guilty. 

11. Emotional Reasoning

This distortion involves thinking that if we feel a certain way, it must be true. This cognitive distortion boils down to:

“I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

Our emotions are not always indicative of the objective truth, but it can be difficult to look past how we feel.

12. Fallacy of Change

The fallacy of change lies in expecting other people to change as it suits us. This ties into the feeling that our happiness depends on other people, and their unwillingness or inability to change, even if we demand it, keeps us from being happy.

13. Global Labeling / Mislabeling

This cognitive distortion is an extreme form of generalizing, in which we generalize one or two instances or qualities into a global judgment. For example, if we fail at a specific task, we may conclude that we are a total failure in not only that area but all areas.

14. Always Being Right

We may believe that being right is more important than the feelings of others, being able to admit when we’ve made a mistake, or being fair and objective.

15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy

This distortion involves expecting that any sacrifice or self-denial will pay off. We may consider this karma, and expect that karma will always immediately reward us for our good deeds. This results in feelings of bitterness when we do not receive our reward (Grohol, 2016).

Was it eye opening? At least it was for me. By knowing my core beliefs about myself I was able to add new thinking patterns and slowly able to let go of irrational beliefs about myself. I hope you apply CBT technique on your cognitive distortions and understand yourself better. Till then take care. 

Zero Thinking

Hi, hope all of you all are doing well and taking care of your mental health. We have covered lot of topics so far. Let’s have a brief recap on it. Well so far we have understood mental health and emotional healing, we discussed what are emotions and different types of emotions. Later we touched upon what is anxiety and types of anxieties and what are phobias and types of phobias. I also hope that you have managed to do the small assignments that were given for yourself reflection and awareness. Now it’s time to dive into the process of identifying the problem on a deeper level.

As promised that I will discuss ways of healing. And one of the most effective ways of healing is to apply the CBT technique in your life. 

So what is?

 What is the CBT technique?

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of psychological treatment. It helps us identify our problem by breaking it down into three steps which enables us to identify our

Thoughts

Actions 

And feelings

It is based on two simple concepts that our thoughts influence our emotions and our emotions influence behavior. So what we think affects what we feel and do in life. Also what happens to us in life doesn’t matter but how we choose to interpret it.

Albert Ellis is the great psychotherapist who came up with the ABC model.

The ABC model

A Stands for ‘activating event’. That event can be external, either present or future, or even an internal one. It refers to an event that triggers a chain of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. 

For example, I love a man and his family finally sent theproposal to my house and they are coming to meet me. What will happen? What if they reject me? I would feel like a failure if they do.

B stands for “belief”. The beliefs or the demands we hold about ourselves or others hold about us. These can be rational or irrational.

What will my parents think and feel they reject me? They must like me. I must not be rejected. 

C stands for consequences. It is an all-inclusive term that can include emotional and physical experiences and especially the behavioral responses that result from A and B.

Difficulty in sleeping, fatigue, the tension in muscles. 

I hope that you have developed some basic understanding of the CBT technique. How about you apply this technique? It is an important exercise towards self-healing. I am attaching a link of a worksheet that will help you to apply this technique in your daily life. If you are mother it’s a request to do this exercise with your children. 

 In the next article, we will explore CBT differently. We will discover the types of unhealthy beliefs we hold about ourselves which automatically reflects in our actions. Till then take care and don’t forget to apply CBT technique. 

halloween reasing list

Halloween Reading List 2020

Halloween is just around the corner and that calls for some thriller and mystery books! Here are Femmerang’s top 5 recommendations for the month of spooks!

1. My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite

My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite

A dark, satirical read, ideal for this month! This book manages to hold your attention, despite the title revealing the killer. No suspense yet curiosity to know how the story will unfold. And the short chapters and face pace, adding onto the curiosity.

The story revolves around nurse Korede trying to hide her sister, Femi’s murders. Not one. Not two. But the question is, will the duo get away with this crime?

2. Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo:

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

Dark academia is probably one of the most popular genres to read this month and Bardugo’s Ninth House has to make it to the list!

Explore Yale’s secret societies with Alex Stern, a girl with the ability to see ghosts, known as Grays, and investigate a murder, which may seem like an open-and-shut case but isn’t so simple. Also, meet the Bridegroom, one such Gray who will show Alex the truth that will help her solve the mystery. A novel, bound to give you thrills at every turn of the page!

3. A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson:

A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson

AGGGTM lives up to all the hype! Senior year student, Pippa Fitz Amobi is in the endeavour to solve a five-year old murder case. The boyfriend had been found guilty but Pippa refuses to accept the facts.

An intense page-turner with twists after twists that will keep you at the edge!

Brownie points for how well the author used timings and little details to crack the case!

4. The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

One of the best psychological thrillers of last year and Michaelides’ debut novel, The Silent Patient, is one book that you will find almost everyone recommending these days!

Alicia Berenson, shot her husband five times and went completely silent for six years, until one fine day, when psychotherapist Theo Faber arrived at The Grove. It is hard to believe, Alicia, such an affectionate wife and delicate woman, to have committed such a heinous crime but she would not utter one word, which would prove her innocent.

With a beautiful blend of Greek mythology and art, this novel will shock you with an unexpected end.

5. Crooked House by Agatha Christie

Crooked House by Agatha Christie

The queen of murder mysteries, Agatha Christie, gave us yet another fabulous read with her standalone, Crooked House.

Charles Hayward, our detective is as charming as the famous Hercule Poirot and he is investigating a new murder – murder of his lover’s grandfather who is also an affluent businessman. Entangled in a case where everyone appears to be a suspect, Christie gives us an unanticipated closure to the case.

Let us know your Halloween read on Instagram: @femmerang!

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.