I Am A Priority

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Do you know who I’m talking about? Everyone. That’s right. You are you’re priority.
One of my kids asked me the other day, just out of nowhere he says, “mama, if you had to pick between worrying about feeding yourself and feeding us, who would you feed”. That was an interesting one. I told him I couldn’t even count how many times I had forgotten to eat since him and his brothers had been born but not once had I forgotten to feed them. There was his answer.
However, I know it would probably be too much to ask the same from them I should ever need it. I’m no idiot, I’m not holding out hope for that.
Not them, not anyone else. Like, just pull the plug people 😕😑👍.
The point is, we go out the same way we get here…wait didn’t someone else already say this? I’m repeating something that’s been said before.


I guess y’all know how the story ends.
That’s that then.

alone #endofstory #thatsthat #mypriority #me #iamme #keepup #iamwhoiam #iamnotanoption #iamapriority #professionalscribbler #towhomitmayconcern

Zero Thinking

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Hi everybody, how are you feeling? In the previous article, we discussed what is guilt and types of guilt. If you are struggling with guilt then let’s explore what are the underlining causes regarding it and how can we manage it?

 Guilt exists due to the fixed irrational belief that you should have known what might have happened in the future. They believe that you should have known in advance all the negative consequences. And the following thinking pattern that you should have made a different decision.

Since you cannot change the decision you made, you feel trapped can’t find any way out. You may find yourself revisiting the past and rewriting the script of the event. 

 You may also avoid meeting those whom you believe have been impacted by your decision or those who remind you of the effects of the decisions. Constantly trying to make up for the mistakes you believe you made can place immense stress on emotional wellbeing. You may consider or act out some self-harm attempts as you believe that the damage is irreparable. Or taking drugs or alcohol in an attempt to punish yourself. 

 To heal and manage guilt we need to have the following conversation with ourselves.

  1. To communicate with oneself and understand that we cannot anticipate what, if any, potentially negative consequences might ensue.
  2. You must challenge and change the negative thinking pattern. Thinking that avoiding people, places that remind you of the guilt or self-medicating with drugs or self-harm will not change the irrational belief of guilt you have. It will not change the negative outcome of which occurred due to the decision/s you took. Beating yourself up is not also a waste of time but unhealthy for your mental health. 
  3. Apply the CBT technique which is explained in detail in the previous articles 
  4. “Accepting” and understanding that there is no use of being angry or frustrated with oneself for being able to predict the future. 
  5. Being your authentic self and true to oneself and repeating this to yourself that “I took the decision which best of my intentions”. Moreover repeating that “I cannot control the outcome”. 

 I hope and pray that these small steps help you change the negative, irrational and unhealthy thinking patterns. If you feel that you need professional help, please feel free to reach out to femmerang team.

Pakistani Drama Quiz 2021

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Pakistani Drama Quiz 2021

 

2021 has already brought a lot of new dramas on our screens along with some continued from 2020. Which ones are you following and how well do you know these dramas? Take the quiz to find out!

 

  1. What genre is the new drama ‘Chalawa’?

  1. Crime
  2. Horror 
  3. Fantasy 

 

  1. What’s the name of Haider’s (Bilal Abbas’) elder brother in ‘Dunk’?

  1. Haadi
  2. Asfand
  3. Safeer

 

  1. Which drama’s OST are these lines from?

‘Kabhi main dekhoon,
Kabhi main sochoin
Yeh duniya kya kuch bhi nahi hai…’

 

  1. Qayamat
  2. Aulaad
  3. Mohabbat Tujhe Alvida

 

  1. Which societal issue is drama ‘Qayamat’ mainly dealing with?

  1. Dowry system
  2. Mental health
  3. Domestic violence

 

  1. In the new drama serial ‘Faryaad’, which Pakistani actor is playing a negative role?

  1. Naveed Raza
  2. Adeel Chaudary
  3. Zahid Ahmad 

 

  1. Boasting episode count of more than 70, tell us what Fariya from ‘Fitrat’, asked Shahbaz in exchange for his daughter’s custody?

  1. Hefty amount of money
  2. Property
  3. Remarriage

 

  1. Drama serial ‘Nand’ was the talk of town and was being compared to Indian dramas. Why?

  1. Doosra janam
  2. Plastic surgery
  3. Extensive dramatization

 

  1. What kind of girl does Moosa from ‘Raqs-e-Bismil’ wants to marry?

  1. Pious
  2. Beautiful
  3. Confident

 

  1. What’s the relationship between Shahmeer & Mikaal from ‘Dulhan’?

  1. Best friends
  2. Colleagues
  3. Cousins

 

  1. Which cliché trope does ‘Qaraar’ primarily revolves around?

  1. Enemies to lovers
  2. Love triangle
  3. Rich girl/poor boy 

 

Answers:

 

1. Horror 6. Remarriage
2. Safeer 7. Plastic surgery
3. Aulaad 8. Pious 
4. Domestic violence 9. Cousins
5. Zahid Ahmad 10. Love triangle

 

If you got:

0-3 correct = you need to watch more dramas!

4-6 correct = almost there! But, there are some great dramas you’ve missed out!

7-10 correct = you are a true drama fanatic!

 

How many did you get right? Tell us @femmerang on Instagram!

 

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

Zero Thinking

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Hi everyone, hope you are doing well. Prayers for my readers who consciously make effort for their healing and well-being. Today we will be exploring another unhealthy negative emotion. This emotion can be very destructive and lead to self-harm as well. This emotion is linked with the emotion we discussed earlier in the articles, that is depression and anxiety. 

This negative emotion is called Guilt. It is wishful thinking that you could turn back the clock to change the outcome of few decisions you made in past. It makes you go through the loop of regret and remorse. What if I tell you that it is possible to release yourself from the guilt and restore your inner sense of peace? To release guilt we need to understand what guilt is and how it is created.

Guilt 

Guilt is an unhealthy negative emotion that carries this belief that something you have done has caused harm and distress to other person or people. It is a cycle of negative thinking in which we are unable to forgive ourselves for some action or behavior. So we beat ourselves up with the feeling of remorse and regret. 

 

Difference between guilt and shame

 

We earlier also explored the feeling of shame. People confuse shame with guilt. Shame is an internally felt emotion triggered by the risk of others finding out something about us and judging us negatively. Whereas guilt is more related to the consequences of actions that we have or have not taken and how these have impinged on others. 

 

Guilt is such a destructive emotion that has led to serious self-harm as the person sees no way out of the crisis of the guilt they have created. 

 

Let’s explore the top 5 common guilt triggers 

 

  1. Relationship Guilt: This may include one party having an affair or affairs often unknown to others. Spending too much time at work and not managing time with loved ones. Not visiting or keeping contact with an elderly person or relative who subsequently dies.
  2. Financial Guilt: Due to financial issues it leads us to make extremely poor decisions with disastrous consequences. 
  3. Abuse Guilt: You may feel guilty for not stopping or intervening in a past situation where someone close to you was being abused. 
  4. Accident Guilt: This guilt is a belief that you could have avoided some circumstances where another person was seriously injured or died as a result of an accident or mishap. 
  5. Survivor Guilt: This is common to those who survive an accident along with their family members/friends and they pass away. They feel that they could have died and their loved ones could have been alive. 

 

In the next article, we will explore how can we manage our emotion of guilt? So stay tuned and stay strong. 

STARTING A HOME BUSINESS AND ITS BENEFITS

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During the Pandemic in 2020, we had no choice but to bid farewell to our daily and regular social and work responsibilities. In short, we all found ourselves spending more time at home with a great deal of free time on our hands. Not only did it give everyone a break but allowed us all a chance to focus on things we never spared time for; it allowed so many women to work on something. A breakthrough came a couple of months after the virus’s outbreak when social media showed a rise in home-based businesses, especially by women. Not only did this give these women a chance to earn but it also gave them a chance to reach their full potential. Here’s why women should take up this excellent opportunity and open a home-based business themselves.

Easily Manageable at Home

With a halt in our daily commute and social obligations, women have the advantage of ample free time on their hands. So, this provides you with the best opportunity to work and plan solely on opening your own business and that too at your own house! You can devise the complete business plan with ease. Now’s the best time! The major benefit is that home-businesses are easy to manage with other personal responsibilities be it academic responsibilities or family related.

Different Experiments

Owing to the free time on account of the pandemic, you can experiment with lots of things. Make a list of all your hobbies and things you’re good at: baking, cooking, art, writing, teaching, embroidery and the list goes on. Try to find something you’d be able to sell and experiment endlessly with it. For example, in the case of baking and cooking it’s possible to experiment with different recipes and different cuisines. Always remember, it’s okay to make mistakes because that’s where you’ll learn the most. In the end, you will be sure of what you want to work on exactly.

 

   Be Your Own Boss

The best part is- You are your own boss! You get to decide your working hours, your strategies and everything regarding your business is solely your own choice.

You get to do what you like.

You can do it whenever you want to.

Also, you decide wherever you want to work.

All three things combined will make the work even more exciting. The biggest plus point is that you don’t have to follow anyone else’s orders.

 

Passion & Following Your Dream

Running your own business is undoubtedly an excellent way of doing what you love- you get to work on things you are passionate about. Sadly, this can hardly ever be achieved if you work for someone else or some other enterprise. So, with your own startup you can work on your crazy, new and unique ideas and introduce them to the world as well.

 

Spending Money

Once you establish your own successful start-up, there will inevitably be cash coming in; you will be earning your own hard-earned money. Financial independence is the best gift a woman can give herself and this is an excellent source of achieving that milestone in your life. Consider that extra money a gift from you to yourself and go spend it. Buy that expensive sweater you liked, take yourself out for a fancy lunch, the list can go on. Also, you can always spend the money you earn on re-investing in your business- your own efforts will go on into expanding your enterprise.

 

Saving Money

One major lesson COVID-19 has taught us is how crucial savings are for a secure future. Thus, with your own business not only do you get to spend on yourself, but you get to build up on your savings. Financial independence followed by financial security gives women a lot more power than even they themselves realize. It will become easier to increase your savings by keeping aside a small proportion of your monthly earnings.

 

Chances of Growth

We must not forget that large businesses once started small and, in many cases, they started at home. A major example and inspiration can be taken from the brand “Shan Foods” which initially started as a home-based business in 1981 (part of the cottage industry). Today, it is a leading and internationally recognized and in demand brand. Therefore, you must never hesitate to implement your unique ideas as you always have the chance of growing in the future.

 

 

Learning Environment

Starting up and running a business provides a learning opportunity and a learning environment. It’s hard to imagine intense learning while you’re at home; but surprisingly you can still learn a lot. The planning and execution of the business venture teaches time discipline as deliveries on time are crucial for your business’s success. Not just that you get to directly interact with your customers and build a healthy work relationship; something impossible otherwise.

 

You’re an Entrepreneur

Yes, you get to call yourself an entrepreneur! Never think of yourself as anything less as you completely qualify as one. Fun fact: In the Bollywood movie “English Vinglish”, Sridevi was a housewife who made and sold home-made ‘ladoos’ (sweetmeats) herself and was quite popular for those. However, she never knew or acknowledged the fact that she ran a business until a foreigner told her that she was an ‘entrepreneur’ when she went on a trip abroad. It’s sad how women need to seek external validation to recognize their full potential, but you don’t need any of that. No matter how big or small your business is, you are nothing less than an entrepreneur. Thus, women must never hesitate to call themselves that.

 

 

Motivation to work

Besides having all the advantages of running your own business yourself, this also allows you to become a source of motivation for other women around you. With your experiences and expertise, you can fully and completely guide other women who want to take their step towards financial independence but are hesitant to do so. By helping other women around you, indirectly you will be fulfilling a social responsibility. There is nothing better than a more empowered society where women build each other up.

 

Supporting Others

With financial independence and security comes great benefits to one’s own self but apart from that you get to support and influence plenty of other lives attached to you; you can support your own parents, children etc. without depending on anyone else. You can also play a huge role in influencing the lives of other women by purchasing from their small and newly established businesses. Your small purchase might be insignificant to a large firm but might mean everything to a small business. In your own way, you can play your part in making the world a better place with your little efforts. Your small business can lay the basis of supporting other small businesses around you, especially those run by women.

 

 

These are few of the major potential benefits of running one’s own home-based business. We aim to motivate all women to start-up their own entrepreneurship, especially during the current situation. Next up, we will provide a complete guide of how to start a self-run and home-based business. Stay tuned!

supportive

15 Qualities Every Woman Wants In a Man

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1-Ambitiousness:

This Does not necessarily mean money. Ambition means to commit; it means to desire something enough to work hard in its pursuit. Ambition is to crave that thing you desire with zeal and passion. Are we going to spend precious time explaining to our readers why women want someone who has this quality in their lives? It is pretty self-explanatory, is it not? Whether it’s the ambition to run a happy household or make a mark in the professional world, we would not be satisfied with someone who does not want to do the same alongside us.

ambition

2-Intelligence:

Intelligence is sexy. It just is. That’s a universal fact. Intelligence looks good on everyone, man or woman. Try it.

intelligence

3-Passion:

Passion for the person they are with, passion for what they do, passion for what they want to do. Passion for their life. Passion is life. Passion is the core of life. There is no life without passion. If the person you are with is not passionate about life, he is living or the project he is involved in, then maybe he is not fully invested in his life. Which means he doesn’t commit to his decisions or doesn’t make the decisions that make him happy. Could you be one of them? You don’t want to be someone’s maybe.

passion

4-Balanced:

While passion is impressive and extremely important, practicality and balance in what you want to do in life are also important. One can be passionate about helping people, but how you help people has to be something practical and in the realm of reality and possibility. Balance is keeping everything in perspective of the big picture.

balance

5-Supportiveness:

Does he see you? Does he recognize that it’s not all about him and his dreams? He understands that your passions and ambitions are essential, as well. He lets you do you; that’s what a supportive guy would do. That is what a woman needs and should have. This is not a significant demand. This is what everyone in a relationship should do for each other. In fact, this is not even just about two people who are romantically involved. Anyone who cares about another person should be supportive of their loved ones’ ambitions.

supportive

6-Romance:

Movie night, a well-timed compliment, chocolate-covered strawberries, a rose, there are so many ways, if you don’t think he knows what you consider romance,tell him what you want. Telling them is better than not having what you want.

romance

7-Good listening Skills:

If he is the right person, he will listen. He will pay attention, and he will try to do as you have asked. This is an essential quality. Most decent men are ready to learn how to process information and keep it in their heads.

listening skills

8-Hygiene:

Make sure they shower every day. What else? Oh, goodness me, so much more.

Make sure he is making good use of deodorant and mints. Showering is a must, but if that is something you have to remind him of,his game in the other categories must be very strong.

Hygiene

9-Reliability:

He should be there. He needs to be there for you, and he needs to be the kind of guy who others can count on as well. His family and friends should vouch for the fact that he is a reliable and trustworthy person. After all, it is not enough that there is only one person that guarantees for him if there is any chance of making a life with anyone; you need to have more people saying the same thing.

Reliability

10-Faithfulness:

Do we need to say anything else? Faith takes so many forms, doesn’t it? He needs to be faithful to others as well. He needs to show faith in himself and you. He needs to have faith in the relationship you have. He needs to have faith in the world. He needs to have faith in all the good that is all around us. We don’t deserve a loser who is cynical and mistrusts everything either. It’s cool in movies and TV, but in real life, it’s a drag.

Faithfulness

11-Kindness:

Kindness looks good on everyone. You want to be loved with tenderness. You want to do the same for him too. You want a two-way thing. We as women are trained and conditioned to be kind and tender; it would be nice to get that in return. We totally deserve it. Kind is sexy.

kindness

12-Confidence:

He needs to know who he is, and he needs to be proud of it. Unless he is not sure of himself, he cannot give you what you need. We need a confident, sure-of-himself dude. Confidence is sexy. Sexy is important.

confidence

13-Being Respectful:

Respect me for my opinions and my ideas that are different from yours, and I will love you for it. You will get so much more of me than you can even imagine. If men understood that simple concept, they would have better relationships with women in whatever capacity. RESPECT US.

Respect

14-Paying Attention:

When we talk, look us In THE EYE. It is that simple.

attention

15-Focus:

This relates to the above. They need to understand that when they are looking at us while we are giving them our ideas,they shouldn’t be thinking, “let her finish talking so I can tell her what she should ACTUALLY be thinking.” We live in the same world they do. We observe the same things they do. They need to let us tell them what we want our world to look like because we have to live side by side. Sometimes those worlds have to mesh.

focus

 

What do you guys think? Shall we start asking our men to think about these and maybe rethink how they act around us?

Mahvish Akhtar from the ceo's desk

From The CEO’s DESK -19th Jan 2021

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Hello Dear Friends,

We have left the past behind. Let’s hope the past has gone with all its ugliness and hardships. Let’s pray that this year is bringing brighter days ahead. We all have worked really hard and lost so much in this last year. However, it hasn’t all been bad. There were moments of happiness and glimpses of joy every now and again to help us realize that nothing is 100% in this world. We are here to keep trying, there are never any guarantees.

All we can do is help each other grow and create a better world. In case you forgot, you know we haven’t that’s exactly what Femmerang is trying to do. We are trying to create a better today for women so we can together create a better tomorrow for ourselves and our families tomorrow.

That effort is not going to stop today because it’s a new year and we might think it’s a day to celebrate. We don’t know yet what 2021 has in store for us. What we known is what we here at Femmerang.com have stored for you.

After everything we have been through we can all learn a little on our wellness team to help us transition into the unknown of the newness of what’s to come. Take advantage of that, please. The team is here for you. Hand-picked by me.

The website and YouTube, social media channels are always there to inform and entertain. However, I would again insist on getting the help we all deserve from our wellness Team. I mean what have we got to lose. Right?

In the mean time you look after yourselves, ya hear?

Oh, and Happy New Year.

Ma’a asalaama

Mahvish Akhtar

From The CEO’s DESK

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Hello Dear Friends,

We have left the past behind. Let’s hope the past has gone with all its ugliness and hardships. Let’s pray that this year is bringing brighter days ahead. We all have worked really hard and lost so much in this last year. However, it hasn’t all been bad. There were moments of happiness and glimpses of joy every now and again to help us realize that nothing is 100% in this world. We are here to keep trying, there are never any guarantees.

All we can do is help each other grow and create a better world. In case you forgot, you know we haven’t that’s exactly what Femmerang is trying to do. We are trying to create a better today for women so we can together create a better tomorrow for ourselves and our families tomorrow.

That effort is not going to stop today because it’s a new year and we might think it’s a day to celebrate. We don’t know yet what 2021 has in store for us. What we known is what we here at Femmerang.com have stored for you.

After everything we have been through we can all learn a little on our wellness team to help us transition into the unknown of the newness of what’s to come. Take advantage of that, please. The team is here for you. Hand-picked by me.

The website and YouTube, social media channelsare always there to inform and entertain. However, I would again insist on getting the help we all deserve from our wellness Team. I mean what have we got to lose. Right?

In the mean time you look after yourselves, ya hear?

Oh, and Happy New Year.

Ma’a asalaama

Mahvish Akhtar

zero thinking

Zero Thinking

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Hi brave soul. Why did I call you brave? Well, you are brave because of two reasons. Number one for reading articles on mental health. That shows you want to learn about yourself and grow. And second, you identified and thought about the things you are ashamed of. And that’s beautiful. A good start. 

As promised, let’s dig deep to understand how we can manage the emotions of shame?

Whatever you are ashamed of, you need to understand that IT IS AN IRRATIONAL BELIEF that others will discover something negative about you. And also that you must accept their judgment.  We all that internal critic making us falsely believe that you are a failure, useless, worthless, etc. When happens in shame you believe that others will apply the same. If you believe that you as a human can be rated at all, the trouble begins. 

Self-Acceptance: 

We need to understand that as humans we all make and will make mistakes. We need to give ourselves room for improvement. That can only happen when we accept the mistake and focus more on ways to improve and channelize our emotions positively. Being over-critical and saying unhealthy sentences to ourselves is waste of time and energy. Say positive things to yourself and think of what steps can be taken to improve. For example, “I am a failure” can be looked at as “I need to work harder” or “I learned something new”. This exercise helps us to create new healthy patterns and opportunities.

Forgiveness:

 Self-acceptance cannot take place until we forgive ourselves for the mistakes we made. We need to release the baggage of old self and think of how you want to be? And take baby steps to reach that. Set small targets or goals. Create a journal/diary or write on a whiteboard to keep a track of your progress.

Self-Love: 

When you follow these steps, self-love takes place. As you take care of your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs self-love comes along. The key to self-love is self-discipline. So daily small habits done repeatedly make all the difference.

It’s time for you to create achievable things to do for the next year. This year love yourself better, which will lead to loving others. Which will lead to doing what makes YOU happy and eventually your light will impact others too. Till then keep shining. See you soon. 

zero thinking

Zero Thinking

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Hi everyone hopes you are doing well

Today we will shed light on another negative emotion that we can relate to in some phase of our life. Are you prone to being affected by what others, in your mind, think of you as a person, but you would love to learn otherwise?.

Well, let me tell you that YES it is possible.

For that, we first need to understand this emotion. Let me introduce you to the shadowy word SHAME!

What is Shame?

Shame is a deeply felt, painful experience that is socially driven. It’s a feeling in which we believe that we are perceived by others as being unworthy of their respect. This is possible because due to the actions we have personally or as a group taken. Or shame is also a feeling in which we hold ourselves accountable for any internal code we have broken and we judge ourselves or become too critical and hard on ourselves. This is sometimes called internal shame. 

It’s a natural progression to move from depression to shame. Because it’s linked with an irrational belief that I can be measured, rated, or judged by others. 

We are social creatures and we all want and like to be part of a group that accepts us. Therefore we don’t want anyone to find out something unpleasant about us or a situation related to us. 

Let’s find out 

few causes of shame:

1. If you have been brought up in a socially deprived area, criminal family history, or domestic or family violence. 

2. You may be ashamed of your body. Ashamed what others will think about your appearance.

3. You may find yourself in debt, bad financial standing, ashamed of your financial decisions. And hiding from your partner, family, friends, etc.

4. You might be a victim of social media trolling or shaming.

5. You may be a victim of sexual abuse, sexual assault, rape, domestic abuse, or violence.

6. You may be a couple with infertility issues. 

7. You may be struggling with loneliness. And not found your partner and ashamed what others will think that why I am not married. 

8. You may be struggling with mental health problems like OCD, depression. Bipolar etc.

9. You may be suffering from social anxiety. What others will think if I mess up the presentation etc.

10. You may be struggling with a hidden addiction to alcohol, drugs, etc.

These were just a few of the experiences people are ashamed of. Please write to us and share if you are brave enough to let out what you are ashamed of? As in the next article, we will explore how we can manage our emotions of shame. Till then stay strong.