What’s worse? This or that?

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1. Food: Elaichi in biryani or biscuit breaking in chai?

  1. Elaichi in biryani
  2. Biscuit breaking in chai

 

2. Wedding: Tailor ruining your outfit a day before or a zit popping up on the day?

  1. Tailor ruining outfit a day before
  2. Zit popping on the day

 

3. Drama: Favorite character dying or favorite couple breaking up?

  1. Favorite character dying
  2. Favorite couple breaking up

 

4. Travel: PIA delaying the flight or receiving your new luggage bag without handle?

  1. Delayed flight
  2. Broken bags 

 

5. Music/movie: Childhood favorite song ruined by remix or a bad book adaptation?

  1. Favorite song ruined by remix
  2. Bad book adaptation

 

6. Apps: Which app ban would be worse?

  1. YouTube 
  2. Netflix

 

7. Lifetyle: What’s worse? Load shedding in garmi or cold water in taps in sardi?

  1. Loadshedding
  2. Cold water

 

Despite just Pakistani things, Dil Dil Pakistan, Jaan Jaan Pakistan!

 

Follow us on Instagram @femmerang to stay updated more such quizzes!

 

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

 

From The CEO’s Desk

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Hello my dearest fellow humans, times are rough are they not? We had so many hopes for the new year. We put so much into it. We put so much into the coming times and the expected changes from it. We wanted so much to happen. We didn’t realize or understand that time is time. It is always the same. What has to change is us. The thing that brings the change in the world or in ourselves in our will to want it to happen. 

This time though we were exhausted. Too much had happened. We had tried too much. We were doing too much. We expected time to fix itself. How was that supposed to even look likes. Day turns into night, night turns into morning and that is the system. It is only our will and our hard work that makes situations different. 

The work is hard, the world is ours however. We need to make sure we don’t lose it. Things are starting to get better. They will keep getting better and we will keep trying to work at it. We are a resilient bunch, especially us women. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. We go through so much on a daily basis. If we can handle all of that we can handle anything else that the world is going to throw at us. 

Believe it or not we have nature on our side. We have the world against us but our CREATOR the one who has made us strong and capable. Had we not been so strong we would not have made it through all the craziness we face all the time.

This is nothing my sisters. 2020 and 2021 has nothing on us. Buckle up and lets do what we do best, fight for what we know we need to protect. How about it?

Before I sign off let me tell you about an awesome new project that Femmerang.com has just started. We are helping small businesses sell their products on our website. Go to the website (femmeramg.com), find FEMMECART on the drop-down menu and there it is! You can take part in it or you can buy stuff from it. This is one of our many ways of helping the world get back on its feet. Small businesses are the back bone of a country’s economy. Go check it out and then tell us what you think. You can give us your opinion here or right over there. 

Looking forward to hearing from you. 

 

In the meantime you look after yourselves, ya hear?

Ma’ asalaama

Mahvish Akhtar

 

Femmeمزاج

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Changes in the Stereotypical Portrayal of Women in Fairytales with Time

Fairytales have always been a very important part of everyone’s childhood. They have always been considered as a source of entertainment for children. However, despite that fairytales play an important role in changing, and influencing the developing minds of children. All the fairytales that we have usually seen in our childhood, were very significant in intricating the ideals of patriarchal society into the fabric of our little minds. However, with the evolution of time, and the ideals of society, the portrayal of the of the female characters in the Disney fairytales has changed a lot. 

Attractive and Submissive Women:

The Grimm’s fairytales instead of serving as a source of entertainment also played an important role in the depiction of the ideals of the society of the 1950’s. The portrayal of the female characters in the fairytales such as Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty was in accordance to the ideas of the patriarchal society in which women were supposed to be both attractive, and submissive. The beauty and attractiveness were considered to be important factors at the time, for a woman to have a happy life. Therefore, the main characters Cinderella, and Princess Aurora were depicted as extremely attractive women in the fairytales Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty respectively. Cinderella was always compared with snow due to her fair complexion which reflected her innocence. However, her stepsisters were portrayed as unattractive women with dark complexion which portrayed their evilness. Similarly, in Sleeping Beauty, the Maleficent was an evil witch who was always shown wearing a black gown, which depicted her evilness. Therefore, the innocence was associated with color white, while the evilness with color black.               

Men as Saviors:

People of the fifties also believed that the core purpose of a good woman was to wait for a right man in order to get rid of all the difficulties she was facing in her life. The man was considered as a key to open the doors of happiness, and bring good fortune to the heroine. Therefore, Cinderella always listened to her stepsisters and stepmother, and dealt with their traps, and bad behaviors with patience while waiting for a perfect man to come into her life, and rescue her. Similarly, in Sleeping Beauty, Princess Aurora could only be saved from death through the kiss of a Prince who must have immediately fallen in love with her. How could a person who has never met you before, fall in true love with you? Therefore, these stories portrayed that every woman needs a man to survive or to be saved from all the calamities she faces in her life. 

       

Strong, Powerful, and Independent Women:

However, the change in the ideals of the society due to the passage of time also impacted the portrayal of the women in the same fairytales. Due to the increased awareness of feminism in society, the New Versions of both these fairytales have changed the notions of a good and a bad woman, and have portrayed them to be the master of their own happiness. The Cinderella in the New Version of the Disney movie is shown to be humble instead of being submissive, and is depicted as someone who believed that she herself could overcome these difficulties instead of waiting for a man to come and save her. Moreover, the Maleficent in the fairytale Sleeping Beauty, is shown as a very attractive, powerful, and independent ruler instead of a man, which depicts matriarchy. 

The New Notions of True Love:

Writers have now also started to challenge and subvert the stereotypical ideas of the previous society by changing the narratives of their stories, and by giving voice to the stories of the evil characters. They have also challenged the stereotypical notions of true love, as Princess Aurora is being saved by the kiss of Maleficent instead of the Prince. She was able to save her because she knew her since her birth, and had always loved her. Therefore, true love does not only exist between a man and a woman. A person can also experience the warmth of true love through different characters or relationships in his/her life. 

             

 

Reviewing an unusual thriller

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Originally published in 2018, Verity by Colleen Hoover is undoubtedly the strangest thriller I have ever read. Keep scrolling for the complete story and review!

 

TW (below discussion): Violence, death

Recommended age to read the book: 18+

P.S: This discussion contains spoilers!

 

1. CoHo and thriller 

Colleen Hoover is known for her romantic novels among the reader community. Hence, Verity took me by surprise because it was a thriller/suspense novel at its core. However, not at all implying the book lacks the CoHo style in any way. The romance element although exaggerated in this particular piece of writing, is what the story demands and CoHo ensured the story gives off the right vibes. Revulsion. Discomfort. Unpleasantness. So kudos to the author for delivering these emotions spot-on! 

 

2. All the creepy feels…

The story begins with Lowen Ashleigh, a struggling writer, approached to complete the renowned series by Verity Crawford (who unfortunately is no longer capable to do so after her tragic accident). While looking for materials and notes to work on the series, Lowen comes across Verity’s manuscript. Her autobiography. A chain of eerie anecdotes, each worse, more disturbing than the previous is unfolded, chapter-by-chapter. 

 

A mother who never felt affection for her kids. A woman obsessed with her marriage. A villain of her own story. That’s the image Verity creates of herself in the manuscript. Is she guilty? Regretting her actions? We don’t know yet…

 

As if that dose of wickedness was not enough, CoHo shoves us with more eccentricity as Verity turns into a murderer (too). Chills ran down my spine as I read about an innocent little human aka Verity’s own daughter, being a victim of such inhumanity. 

 

3. Verity’s death: 

It is hard for me to digest that Verity managed to fake her (accident) injuries for years without anyone being doubtful. While the whole idea seems far-fetched, what was even more disturbing was Verity’s death itself. Abrupt. Barbaric. Unexpected. 

 

As Lowen reveals cold-blooded Verity’s true colours in front of Jeremy (Verity’s husband), he is furious. Enough to seek revenge for her daughter’s murder, whom he so dearly loved. Another killing took place in less than a page.  

 

4. Jeremy: good or shady?

Throughout the story, Jeremy (Verity’s husband) is portrayed as the most naïve character. He is sensible but oblivious. But was his action justified when he avenged his daughter? Or was it an impulsive decision?

 

This dilemma of a morally white character acting against his standards made me uneasy and anxious. Reading ahead, it was disclosed that Jeremy actually knew about the manuscript all along and was awaiting Verity to gain conscious. Thanks to Lowen, Verity’s act was caught red-handed on camera. However, what was the need to lie and pretend to not know is still unclear. 

 

5. A staggering end…

What if I told you, everything you’ve learnt about this book and its antagonist till now is false? An end that shook every person who read this book and also known as the soul of it. 

Verity left a letter addressed to Jeremy. A single piece of paper that changed the entire plot. Actually, the manuscript was a mere exercise to write from the point of view of the anti-hero for her books, turning each ordinary or unusual event into an immoral and nasty account. Something that was suggested to her to better her writing a negative perspective and to give her stories an edge and that uniqueness. Misunderstood Verity, questions her husband in that letter (penned pre-death), how did he not trust her wife? 

 

6.The verdict:

 

A solid 3.5 stars! 

 

Let us know your thoughts about this book on Instagram, @femmerang!

 

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

 

‘Raqeeb Se’ Review

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Just three episodes and we are already mesmerized by the powerful performances and unique storyline of the new drama serial Raqeeb Se. Here are the top 5 reasons why should start watching this beautiful show if you have not already! 

 

1. Raised an important issue

A few days back, while listening to original OSTs of Pakistani dramas on Soundcloud, I realized that every single one of them had that infamous ‘thappar’ sound in the background, at some point. This made me wonder how slapping or hitting a woman (usually wife) has been normalized in Pakistani dramas. As if dramas are incomplete without violence. 

 

Raqeeb Se deals with the issue of domestic violence where primary characters emphasise on how this culture should not be promoted, in the early episodes. The character of Maqsood Saheb, remarkably played by none of than Nouman Ijaz, risks his life and leaves the city to save a young girl from her father’s cruelty and gives Sakina, another victim of domestic violence shelter at his own house despite an unpleasant past. 

 

2. An impressive debut 

As audience, we refuse to believe this is Hadiqa Kiani’s debut serial. The flawlessness of her expressions and dialogue delivery has stunned us. Even when she covered her face with dupatta to hide the scars, we could see guilt, pain and helplessness in her eyes. So vivid and intense!

 

Also, how can we not appreciate her brilliant makeup that made her entire situation and troubles believable? 

3. An air of mystery

The question remains, ‘what happened 20 years back?’ As audience, we know Sakina and Maqsood Saheb were madly in love but did not get married because Sakina refused to. So, what made Sakina leave her true love and marry a man who gave her nothing but sorrows and left no opportunity to taunt her about her past? 

 

4. The sisterly bond between Sakina and Hajra

Raqeeb is literally translated to ‘a person who is your rival in love’. 

 

It is astonishing to see the beautiful bond that has been portrayed between Sakina and Hajra, the supposed raqeebs. Hajra, knowing well about her husband and Sakina’s love story (even teasing them), sympathizes with Sakina and comforts her in this tough phase of her life when no one else did. She asks her to partake in household chores giving us audience a feeling that she does not consider Sakina as a threat. Their conversations always lighten up the atmosphere! 

 

5. The simplicity of the story

Very often we come across dramas that depict a normal life. No fancy mansions or luxury lifestyles. Raqeeb Se is the drama that shows the simplicity of a middle class household. Be it Hajra Begum confirming with her daughter if she brought large size bread instead of regular one on her way home because they had guests over or Sakina and Hajra casually discussing Maqsood Saheb’s food preferences. Simply beautiful and praise-worthy!

 

Let us know @femmerang on Instagram if you are following this drama and what your thoughts are! 

 

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

 

From The CEO Desk

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 From The CEO’s Desk

I’m so proud of each and every one of you. These past months have not been easy. 2020 has been so difficult. We have been tried and tested in the worst ways possible. Everything has been telling us to give up and hide in some corner of our minds. Not in just put minds but also our homes. Most of us, however have been brave. We have done what it takes to live our lives. 

Remember, living your life doesn’t always mean doing it in front of an audience. Everyone is different

 Everyone lives their lives differently. Maybe you are one of those people who doesn’t like a show. You might be the quiet type. For you, living your life means doing your thing in your world but in the best way that you know. 

On the other hand you might be the life of the party. You are a must at every zoom party and every rooftop that ever did get lit. You did your thing even if you were exhausted at the end of the day. We all tried our best. We are all trying our best. 

At some point if we decide it’s okay to stop and take a little breather, that will be okay too. That is not called giving up. That is called just relaxing and letting yourself off the hook. 

 I say we all deserve a day off. If you can’t take a day off take a few hours or even a few minutes to yourselves just to acknowledge that you work hard and do your job well. 

Go ahead acknowledge yourself. Out loud, not just to yourself but to the people around you. Tell them that you are strong and brave and that you deserve a break. Tell them that you deserve to be seen and heard. Let them everyone know that you are proud of yourself. Be proud of yourself because there are so many that are even if they don’t tell you all the time. 

I am definitely one of them. 

In the mean time you look after yourselves, ya hear?

Ma’a asalaama

Mahvish Akhtar

 

Dear Hamraaz

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From your ہمراز

The purpose for all of us being here is so you can spill your guts.

Tell me something you can’t tell anyone else. Tell me something that’s been nagging at you and you haven’t been able to get off your chest. The purpose of this isn’t going to be always to solve life-altering problems. We got some very heavy questions but felt they were more suitable for one-on-one consultation. 

How has your day been going? Are you having a difficult time with your boss? Children can be difficult, can’t they? Let’s talk about that. 

With that said, we don’t want to discourage you from asking the hard questions, the real life questions. We are here for you. We will do whatever we can and however we can. Here is a questions someone recently asked. I hope it helps the rest of you as well.

 

Dear ہمراز:

I recently had a mental breakdown. I know it because I read about and searched it online. My family has no idea. Maybe I didn’t, who knows. I was crying day and night. I had locked myself in my room and kept away from everyone. I wouldn’t respond to anyone talking to me. I wanted to kill myself. I actually wanted to end it all. Why I went into this mode is a long story, I don’t even know if I’m completed out of it. I never killed myself because my parents thought I was being over dramatic about everything and told me I’m not allowed to go anywhere or visit anyone until I fix my attitude. I didn’t care because I didn’t want to. The one thing that came out of it was that I had a 24 hour watch on me and I was never alone. 

There were times when I felt like I was physically suffocating as if the air was leaving my body and I was going to die. I would panic. Not because I was dying but because it hurt so much. I couldn’t tell anyone because no one would take it seriously. 

I’m feeling a bit better but I’m still miserable. I don’t know what to do.

Rose

24

 

My Beautiful Girl,

You were/are having panic and anxiety attacks from what I can tell. This is not anything small. You are a very brave. For me to help you firstly we will have to figure out where the main cause of the problem. Is there a friend or any other family member that you can talk to while you are going through this? Usually we suggest to go to a doctor or psychiatrist or psychological but it seems that’s not possible for you at the moment. Until that becomes a possibility, find a friend. 

If things become really bad contact the government emergency hotline. We will state the numbers below.

In the mean time I  will give you some breathing techniques and conditioning activities to help you through this.

 

In order to help 

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR)

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) is a simple relaxation technique that helps reduce anxiety and muscle tension.

It involves stretching and relaxing different muscles in your body in a certain order.

It should take you about 20 minutes from start to finish. Like most relaxation techniques, it will get easier with practice. But you should feel some benefit straight away.

Here’s how it works:

Find a warm, quiet place with no distractions. Get comfortable, either sitting or lying down.

Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply from your belly.

Next, work through the stretches below.

Hold each stretch for a few seconds then relax it. Repeat each stretch 3 or 4 times.

  • Face: Push your eyebrows together as if frowning, then release.
  • Neck: Gently tilt your head forwards, pushing your chin towards your chest. Then slowly lift your head again.
  • Shoulders: Pull them towards your ears like a shrug. Then relax them downwards towards your feet.
  • Chest: Breathe slowly and deeply into your belly, below the bottom rib, so that you’re using all of your lungs. Then breathe out slowly, letting your belly deflate.
  • Arms: Stretch your arms away from your body, reach, then relax.
  • Legs: Curl your toes away from your body, then pull them towards the body, then relax.
  • Wrists and hands: Stretch your wrist by pulling your hand towards you. Stretch out the fingers and thumbs, then relax.

When you’re done, spend a few moments sitting or lying quietly with your eyes closed. When you feel ready, stretch and get up slowly.

 

Quiz for all ‘Harry Potter’ lovers

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Lunch with Harry Potter or Dinner with Draco Malfoy?

What would you do in the below situations? Choose either option and know whether you’re having lunch with Harry Potter or dinner with Draco Malfoy!

 

1. Your food order is running late. How do you react?

  1. Wait patiently…
  2. SCREAM! And call the café for constant updates!

 

2. The outfit you’ve been eyeing since long is on sale. Pass or buy?

  1. Save money to buy something else
  2. Definitely getting it

 

3. You bought a new car. What’s the first thing you do?

  1. Call my best friend and take him/her on a drive
  2. Post on Instagram (first things first)!

 

4. Your cousin is showing off his new phone. What’s your reaction?

  1. Compliment his choice 
  2. You’ve got better stuff!

 

5. Covid-19 has finally ended! What’s the first thing you’d do?

  1. Have a house party
  2. Go on a solo vacation

 

6. Pakistan seems to be losing a cricket match. Do you keep on watching or turn if off?

  1. Still hopeful, they might win!
  2. Nahh! What’s the point of watching if my team’s gonna lose!?

 

7. Spend long weekend resorting at DreamWorld (Khi) or mountain trekking in the northern areas?

  1. DreamWorld
  2. Northern Areas

 

8. You’re moving to a new country. What’s the first thing you search up?

  1. Weather updates
  2. Number of malls in the locality 

 

9. You’re now coming to visit your family from abroad. What’s most of your luggage filled with?

  1. Gifts for everyone in Pakistan
  2. My clothes (what else?)

 

If you got mostly:

 

A’s: You’re going for lunch with Harry Potter! You spend a good amount of time talking about sports, food & friends!

 

B’s: You’re going for dinner with Draco Malfoy! You spend a good amount of time talking about work, family and shopping!

 

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

 

THIS OR THAT?

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Fashion diaries from ongoing Pakistani dramas

1. Ulfat (Mohabbat Tujhe Alvida) in full blue or green & black saree?

  1. Blue
  2. Green & black

 

2. Sehba (Raaz-e-Ulfat) with or without headband?

  1. With
  2. Without

 

3. Guddi (Mushk) styling her blue shawl with mustard or pink attire?

  1. Mustard 
  2. Pink

4. Maheen (Ushna Shah) or Roshni (Hina Altaf) from Bandhay Ek Dour Se, slaying in white?

  1. Maheen
  2. Roshni

 

5. Maya (Qarar) with hair up or down?

  1. Hair up
  2. Hair down

6. Faaria (Fitrat) in eastern or western wear?

  1. Eastern
  2. Western

 

7. Meheruanisa (Ayeza Khan) or Ayat (Zainab Shabbir) from Meherposh, in bridal look?

  1. Meherunnisa
  2. Ayat

 

8. Nisha (Jalan) in embroidered velvet or silk?

  1. Velvet
  2. Silk

 

9. Help Joya (Prem Gali) decide: blue or pink bangles?

  1. Blue
  2. Pink

 

10. Samiya (Ghissi Pitti Mohobbat) in casual outfits: orange or red?

  1. Orange
  2. Red

 

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

 

Zero Thinking

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Hi everybody, how are you feeling? In the previous article, we discussed what is guilt and types of guilt. If you are struggling with guilt then let’s explore what are the underlining causes regarding it and how can we manage it?

 Guilt exists due to the fixed irrational belief that you should have known what might have happened in the future. They believe that you should have known in advance all the negative consequences. And the following thinking pattern that you should have made a different decision.

Since you cannot change the decision you made, you feel trapped can’t find any way out. You may find yourself revisiting the past and

 You may also avoid meeting those whom you believe have been impacted by your decision or those who remind you of the effects of the decisions. Constantly trying to make up for the mistakes you believe you made can place immense stress on emotional wellbeing. You may consider or act out some self-harm attempts as you believe that the damage is irreparable. Or taking drugs or alcohol in an attempt to punish yourself. 

 To heal and manage guilt we need to have the following conversation with ourselves.

  1. To communicate with oneself and understand that we cannot anticipate what, if any, potentially negative consequences might ensue.
  2. You must challenge and change the negative thinking pattern. Thinking that avoiding people, places that remind you of the guilt or self-medicating with drugs or self-harm will not change the irrational belief of guilt you have. It will not change the negative outcome of which occurred due to the decision/s you took. Beating yourself up is not also a waste of time but unhealthy for your mental health. 
  3. Apply the CBT technique which is explained in detail in the previous articles 
  4. “Accepting” and understanding that there is no use of being angry or frustrated with oneself for being able to predict the future. 
  5. Being your authentic self and true to oneself and repeating this to yourself that “I took the decision which best of my intentions”. Moreover repeating that “I cannot control the outcome”. 

 I hope and pray that these small steps help you change the negative, irrational and unhealthy thinking patterns. If you feel that you need professional help, please feel free to reach out to femmerang team.