A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO READING

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Reading is proven to improve our mind’s functioning and also reduce stress. While a lot of people are habitual readers and find no difficulty in reading even a 500-pages novel, many struggle to even start reading.

Here are four ways to get into reading, if you are a beginner English books reader:

1. Short stories

These are usually less than 100-pages, or even 50-pages, and can be read online, free of cost. Some local (Pakistani) bookstores also sell the paperback version of renowned short stories. You can always go with this option if you are not comfortable e-reading.

Some short story (English) authors to look at:

  • Franz Kafka
  • Neil Gaiman
  • Edgar Allan Poe
  • Fyodor Dostoevsky
  • H.G. Wells

2. Goodreads Reading Challenge

For those who aren’t aware, Goodreads is an app with a database of every single book to have existed. You can find ratings, reviews, genre, length etc., about books, here.

Every year, Goodreads holds a reading challenge, which allows you to set a goal for the year and add to the challenge as you read books. Setting a goal is a great way to motivate oneself to read. I, too, found myself reading more books after enrolling for the challenge. GR also allows you to add friends and keep track of their challenge. A healthy competition is always great!

3. Abridged versions

 

A lot of people get into a habit of reading after reading classics. However, classics are no easy read. The language is fairly difficult and is loaded with literary devices.

Abridged versions are simplified, shorter forms of the same classics. At the end, you get the gist of the entire story and are familiar with what it is about.

Sometimes, there are illustrated abridged versions of classics available too, which make the reading experience even more enjoyable.

Some celebrated classics, which have abridged (illustrated) versions:

  • Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
  • Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
  • The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo
  • Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
  • Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
  • Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

4. Genre:

The choice of genre plays an important role in whether or not someone enjoys reading. If a beginner starts with dark academia or high fantasy, chances are they will not even get to the climax, let alone complete the entire book.

For beginners, YA contemporary fiction is recommended. This genre has a lighter mood/tone and is written in a plainer language, usually revolving around the protagonist’s daily life. Some such YA authors include:

  • Holly Bourne (ex: It Only Happens In The Movies)
  • Jennifer Niven (ex: All The Bright Places)
  • John Green (ex: Paper Towns)
  • Jenny Han (ex: To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before)
  • Jennifer E. Smith (ex: Field Notes On Love)
  • Kevin Kwan (ex: Crazy Rich Asians)

Beginners, searching for YA series, can look at these authors:

  • J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter)
  • Marissa Meyer (Lunar Chronicles)
  • Sarah J. Maas (ACOTAR)
  • Suzanne Collins (The Hunger Games)
  • Victoria Aveyard (Red Queen)
  • Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson)

If you are a regular reader, let us know, how or which book got you into reading at @femmerang on Instagram!

Sanya Mithani is a content writer at Femmerang. She’s a lifestyle Instagram blogger passionate about books. Follow her on Instagram @bookshelf.and.closet.

From The CEO’s Desk

From the CEO’s Desk

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How do we slow time down? How do we get ourselves out of that rut that makes us feel like we are completely stuck and unable to get ourselves out? How do we live our best lives?

Little bit at a time. There’s no need for huge chunks to be moved around.

Feels like everything will fall flat if we move even the lightest of pieces. The trick is to keep trying, keep inching forward, little by little. Keep making things a little bit easier by thinking that its possible. The power of our minds.

Speaking of powerful stuff, we have some powerful material coming your way. Some is already on the website. Some more is coming soon. Have you visited lately? Have you seen what our will to give you something important has delivered? Maybe it’s time you discovered it. Our heart-felt love and effort to help you will always be the forefront of everything that we do here at Femmerang.

We are always here for you and doing our best to give you what you need. Please tell us in comments and messages how we can make it better.

Im signing out, and you look after yourselves, ya hear?

Ma’a asalaama

Mahvish Akhtar

Anxiety

Anxiety By Tooba Tahir

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Hello there, how are you? I’m sure you have identified the type of anxiety you feel. If not, then please read the previous article so that you receive a better understanding of yourself. 

Today we will briefly discuss what are panic attacks and phobias. And later explore techniques to deal with them. So, let’s get started

So what do you think are panic attacks?

Panic Attack

Well, panic attacks arise suddenly, usually without warning, and often at the most inappropriate time and place. It is a sudden episode of fear that causes physical reactions. You might feel that you are losing control, having a heart attack, or dying.

Few signs of Panic Attack 

Sense of impending doom or danger, fear of loss of control or death, pounding heart rate, sweating, trembling, shortness of breath, chest pain, headache, dizziness, numbness, feeling of unreality or detachment.

The challenging part of panic attacks is the constant fear that it might occur again so people avoid the situations in which it might get triggered. 

What causes panic attacks?

There could be multiple reasons since they come suddenly without any warning, so they are mostly triggered by certain situations. Some panic attacks occur due to stress, Temperament that is prone to negative emotions, for example, unhealthy thinking habits or it can also be genetics. 

Now that we have a little understanding about Panic Attacks, lets briefly touch base on what are phobias?

What are Phobias?

In simple words, a phobia is an excessive or irrational fear reaction. Phobias can lead to panic attacks. There are many kinds of phobias and they can interfere with work, the educational and personal life of people. 

Few types of Phobias are:

Glossophobia: fear of speaking in front of an audience. 

Acrophobia: This is the fear of heights. 

Claustrophobia: This is a fear of enclosed or tight spaces. 

Aviophobia: This is also known as the fear of flying.

Dentophobia: Dentophobia is a fear of the dentist or dental procedures. 

Hemophobia: This is a phobia of blood or injury. A person with hemophobia may faint when they come in contact with their own blood or another person’s blood.

Arachnophobia: This means fear of spiders.

Cynophobia: This is a fear of dogs.

Ophidiophobia: People with this phobia fear snakes.

Nyctophobia: This phobia is a fear of the nighttime or darkness. It almost always begins as a typical childhood fear. When it progresses past adolescence, it’s considered a phobia.

Now that you know a bit about panic attacks and phobias, it’s a humble request to identify your phobias and notice the symptoms during panic attacks. It’s time to dig deep into self-reflection and ask yourself few questions like when I feel shortness of breath? When I am fearful? And write them on a piece of paper. In the next article, we will explore a case study to understand how we can manage our panic attacks and phobias. 

Till then stay strong. 

Types of Anxiety

Types of Anxiety By Tooba Tahir

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Hi, how are you doing? Hope you are doing well. In the previous article, we discussed what is anxiety and the difference between fear and anxiety. 

In today’s article, we will explore types of anxiety and end with a small exercise in which you need to identify what type of anxiety you face.

So let’s get started. 

Commonly there are three types of anxiety

Three most common types of anxiety:

Acute Anxiety

This is when you find yourself suffering from sudden fear or panic. Experiencing physical symptoms like heart palpations, shaking, sweating, dry mouth, muscle tension, fast shallow breathing. An example of acute anxiety can be phobias.  

Social Anxiety

It’s a condition in which one can become anxious and fearful where they have to socially interact with friends, strangers, or mostly a group. Or the anxiety one feels when they have to perform in front of people. 

General Anxiety

This relates to a person who is emotionally anxious as they are worried about what might happen in the future. They believe that they will be unable to cope with all the awful things that will happen to them. Thinking that they might be a failure. Its physical symptoms may include fatigue, sleep difficulties, nightmares, teeth grinding, and poor cognition.

If you are struggling with anxiety, you need to identify which type of anxiety I usually feel. The good news is that anxiety is treatable and manageable. 

To find out how anxiety is treatable, I request you to take some time out and figure out what type of anxiety you have. In the next article, we will explore panic attacks and phobias and later find out techniques to treat anxiety. Till then stay strong. 

Are You a True Pakistani?

THIS OR THAT – Are You a True Pakistani?

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Now it’s time to check if you’re a true Pakistani or not!

Check the number of times you have clicked (b). If you got:

1-4 – Not really!

5-7 – Somewhat Pakistani (dil se)!

8-10 – True Pakistani!

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Zero Thinking Femme رنگ

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Hi everyone, hope you all are doing well. In the previous article, we discussed what is mental health and emotional healing. If you missed out on that article, please go back and read it before you read this one.

Today we will be exploring what are emotions and what are the ways to identify them. Also, I will give you a small exercise towards the end, which will help you understand your emotions and yourself better. 

So what are emotions? 

To answer this we need to understand what the conscious and unconscious mind is. According to Freud “The conscious mind contains all of the thoughts, memories, feelings, and wishes of which we are aware at any given moment. The unconscious mind is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that are outside of our conscious awareness.[i] 

Emotions are intense feelings or sensations which can be triggered by conscious and unconscious events. They are connected to our thoughts and behaviors and play an important role in our lives. 

Emotions can be positive, negative, healthy, and unhealthy.

Positive emotions include joy, happiness, pleasure, love, contentment, and peace. We call them positive emotions as they make us feel positive about ourselves. 

Healthy negative emotions such as sadness help us cope with difficulties such as loss. But it helps us to come in terms with some loss in our lives.

Unhealthy negative emotions often impede us in dealing with such difficulties as we classify depression as negative emotions. They make us feel bad about ourselves. 

Whatever emotion we feel it has physical symptoms. For example, anger may mean clenched muscles or tension headaches, fear may lead to dry mouth or difficulties in breathing. 

Emotions are connected to our behaviors and are interwoven with our thoughts. We are most uncomfortable talking about how an event made us feel? In my teaching experience, men usually take more time than women to identify or reflect on their emotions. 

If we want to heal, we need to open our wounds. Let us start with the discussion on our childhood. Write down the events that created unhealthy negative or healthy negative emotions in your life. 

Here is the list of few emotions that can help you identify what emotions you experienced:

Unhealthy negative emotions

Anxiety

Depression

Hurt

Anger 

Shame

Guilt

Frustration 

Healthy negative emotions may include:

Concern 

Sadness

Remorse

Regret

Disappointment 

Annoyance 

Next time you hear me, I hope that you have taken some time out to do this exercise. And identified the negative emotions you have been carrying inside you.  

  [i] https://www.verywellmind.com/the-conscious-and-unconscious-mind-

 Emotions & types of emotions by DR Harry Barry

Written by Femmerang’s Mental Health Content Writer and Psychologist, Tooba Tahir

Zero Thinking

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We all go through times of emotional distress, isn’t it? We feel broken, hurt, shattered, disappointed, or numb. The list of emotions a human mind can experience can go on and on. Researchers identified 27 unique emotions [i] and you could be feeling any one of them or most of them.

On Zero thinking we will be discussing feelings of anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, hurt anger, and grief. And the role of our environment and relationships to make us feel this way. We will also investigate the role of childhood and its impact on the individual. 

Don’t worry we will not only be dissecting the problems, we will go step by step towards our emotional healing and well-being.

So are you ready? Let’s take some baby steps. We will start by understanding what is mental health and emotional healing. 

Mental health is a state in which you are connected with your body, mind, and soul. Mental health includes emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Mental health is important in every phase of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood. There could be many factors that contribute to mental health problems, including:

  • Biological factors, such as genes or brain chemistry
  • Life experiences, such as trauma or abuse
  • Family history of mental health problems

We will try to dig into these factors one by one and try to come towards emotional healing.

For that, we need to understand what is emotional healing? 

Dr Harry Barryexplainsemotional healing asa process and includes two components:

1. Identifying our emotional responses to any negative experience which has occurred in our life as our thinking patterns, perceptions, and beliefs underlying such emotions and finally the unhealthy patterns that came as a result of them.

2. After identifying these, how we reshape these thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with the goal of healing ourselves. 

We will one by one study emotions and its relation to our environment and its impact on our personality. 

And for that, you need to wait for the next article in which we will discuss what are emotions and how can we identify them. Till then have a good day. 

  [i] Cowen AS, Keltner D. Self-report captures 27 distinct categories of emotion bridged by continuous gradients.

Written by Femmerang’s Mental Health Content Writer and Psychologist, Tooba Tahir

For All The Single Ladies – By Sumayya Ismail

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Living my best life? Maybe, but it doesn’t always feel that way.

Being single is tough. The pressure of getting married usually starts out externally, but can quickly come from your own thoughts and feelings as well. No matter what age you’re at, you feel too old. If you’re in your mid-to-late 20’s then you are suddenly “old” before you’ve even thought about marriage. In the minds of many people, if you’re past 30 then you’re completely a lost cause. “Your biological clock is ticking!” Yes, tick tock and all that – but what if we aren’t planning to have kids? Or even get married in the first place? I know some think this akin to blasphemy, but it’s not inherently wrong.

That said, I do want to get married and have kids soon. It’s something I’m constantly thinking about, stressed, and worried about. Reminding me that I don’t have much time left does not make me feel better about my situation – surprise surprise! Scrolling through my instagram feed I’ll frequently come across beautiful, intimate wedding photos – even in quarantine. I wouldn’t say I feel jealous, but I do feel like I’m missing out on something in my life. Ok maybe I’m a little jealous. I can’t help it though! I want to twirl in a bedazzled wedding dress, I want to hold hands with my husband, and most importantly I want to feel that sense of companionship.

What’s worse, if you have been looking to get married for a few years, people start blaming you. You’re too picky, too fat, too skinny, too simple, too flashy – and the list goes on. Excuse me? Instead of blaming the person, maybe console them? Maybe help them find someone? Or better yet get your nose out of their business? How did we forget that these things are ultimately in Allah’s hands? I’d love it if the next person who wanted to throw one of these labels my way would instead make dua for me that I find what I’m looking for and be happy with what God has given me in life. It hits different when someone tells you that they’re making dua for you. I think that’s actually genuine. How about we start by making dua that these guys step up their game and become men, yes?

For starters, it can sometimes be difficult to trust your parents instincts especially with the generation gap widening. I’ve sat through enough awkward gatherings with a guy my parents have recommended, only to find out later that this “innocent”, “religious” boy was actually openly doing drugs and hanging out in questionable places. If he’s not completely off the rails, he might just be a bit dull and often a little too eager to get married in exactly 3 weeks, for example. I’m lucky enough that I can trust my parents have my best interest at heart and that I know they’re looking out for me. For that reason I like to keep them in the loop to some extent, but I have ventured to finding my spouse for myself, specifically in the online world.

From stalkers, to overtly sexual messages, to being ghosted – if you’ve been looking online, I’m willing to bet you have your fair share of stories. What gets me is that a lot of the time these men don’t even try to hide their crazy. They wave it proudly right from the get go. Case in point: I was talking to a guy via one of these “halal” Muslim Marriage Apps. By the way, I personally know people that have had success finding their significant other on these apps, so don’t judge me. In any case, this guy, we’ll call him “Isa”, seemed great from his profile. Isa was good looking, had a nice smile, a reader, etc. So we matched and got to texting. After texting for a couple weeks it was clear that we seemed to click. One day he asked if we could FaceTime. I agreed, just taking a few minutes to put on my hijab and look presentable. When he called me though, his screen was completely black. Weird, to say the least. I asked him what’s going on. He said he just woke up from a nap. Um, rude. Keep in mind, I didn’t call him, he called me. Not to mention that this was our first FaceTime call. He finally turned the lights on and sat in the sunlight but he was yawning wide in my face the entire time. When I asked him, only half jokingly, to stop yawning in my face, he just stuck the camera down his throat and yawned even wider. Beyond rude and disrespectful. We only talked for a few more minutes before I made some excuse to end the call. The sad part is it took me some time to register my own anger and disgust at his behaviour. I was almost too eager for connection to notice his callousness toward me.

There are so many fears that go into living as a single woman. All of your deepest insecurities come bubbling to the surface. Why am I not married yet – is there something wrong with me? Will a guy truly like me for me? Will I ever find my “forever love”? Even if I find someone, what if we get married and it doesn’t work out? Doesn’t that make me a failure? And it goes on. I know how a lot of people would respond to this though. “Don’t be so desperate.” I absolutely hate hearing people say that. I fervently believe that everyone deserves to dream and everyone deserves happiness. No one is called “desperate” to want to get into a certain ivy league university or a prestigious job – that’s seen as ambition. Nobody will tell you “not to be so desperate” if you want to have a baby. Marriage is just like any other new chapter in your life and no one should feel ashamed to want it. There’s a balance though: one that I struggle with but that I think is important. As with any new chapter of my life, I have to work for it and constantly ask Allah for what I want. But at the same time I need to remember to be grateful for what it’s in front me right now. My family, my friends, my independence, and so on. Gratitude always makes the journey more bearable. And ultimately, when I’m happy with myself and my surroundings, I think that will make for a more fulfilling life moving forward as well.

“Love”

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“Love” for FemmeRang.com

I fell in love

First, I fell in love all at once

I fell in love with every word uttered from their lips

To hear the sweet symphony of his voice

The melody

Was so beloved to me

Then, I fell in love slowly

Years and years of service, gratitude, and grace

Transfixed my eyes and and made me blind

To all others

I blushed

When he spoke

Like the sun in all of its Magnificent glory

I could not look directly at him

He made me laugh

And when I did my heart skipped a beat

So palpably that I thought to myself

Did anyone else notice?

Time passes yet this love burns so bright

In silence

And we plan

And God plans

And by Allāh, Allah is the best of planners

But still A prick of sadness

when life moves on

And he moves on

Recalibration Introspection Reflection

Time

Acceptance

I come to realize with my eyes wide

Why I fell in love

It wasn’t his infectious laugh

The way he spoke

Or even what he looked like

I was wrong the whole time I was looking at the outside not looking inward

I fell in love and it was

The Quran in his heart

The Sunnah on his tongue

The Akhlaq in his life

And with that I let go of

My love of the outside shell

And search for a love

With purpose

Male Characters In Recent Pakistani Dramas

Inspiring Male Characters In Recent Pakistani Dramas

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Non-toxic male characters in recent Pakistani dramas

If someone asks you about famous male characters in our Pakistani dramas, some names like Ashar from Humsafar, Zaroon from Zindagi Gulzar Hai or to take a more recent example, Danish from Meray Paas Tum Ho, are bound to cross your mind. As audience, we tend to ignore the toxic traits of these male protagonists and celebrate their charisma on the silver screen. Pakistani dramas have clearly blurred the lines between cuteness and dominance.

After constantly being fed the same doses of toxic masculinity, seeing some unconventional male characters in our recent dramas left me astonished. Here is my top 5, who broke away from this norm.

5. Munshi Jee from Pyaar ke Sadqay (2020):

Munshi Jee from Pyaar ke Sadqay (2020)

Whether Abdullah is your favourite or not, there isn’t anyone who isn’t fond of Munshi Jee AKA Mahjabeen ke abba. His wife might be considered one of the most fortunate wives in the Pakistani dramas, who isn’t belittled by her husband rather her inputs are appreciated and her husband confides in her. When on one hand we see Imtiaz Bhai from Kashf never missing an opportunity to disparage his daughters, Munshi Jee had a soft spot for Mahjabeen, despite being familiar with her eccentricity & mischiefs. He is a man who cared more about his family and resisted giving in to Sarwar’s evil intentions to save his repo!

4. Saad from Ehd-e-Wafa (2019):

Saad from Ehd-e-Wafa (2019)

Saad deserves admiration for normalizing a girl’s single mother living with her at her in-laws. His character is empathetic and doesn’t compel his love-interest, Dua, to marry him. He won her heart (and ours too) by showing continuous support, respecting her ambitions and confessing his feelings in the most decent manner. Isn’t he just perfect?

3. Shayaan from Cheekh (2019):

Shayaan Fro Cheeck 2019

Not sure if we all loved Shayaan more or started fangirling over Emaad Irfani after his performance in Cheekh. Shayaan is undoubtedly the ideal husband of Pakistani dramas, who stood by his wife through the thick and thin. Such a person would be labelled as joru ka gulaam in our society, leaving his family & wealth behind, to support his partner, but did our Shayaan care about log kya kahenge? No! He cared only about Mannat & her well-being!

2. Wajdaan from Kashf (2020):

I don’t recall seeing a man voluntarily working for (and under) his love-interest and forgoing his ghairat (the most favorite word of Pakistani men in dramas, jbtw). Wajdaan is definitely an exceptional case. We had expected him to cut all ties with Kashf after being insulted countless times by her father and their engagement also being called off. But, our dearest protagonist understands pressures from Kashf’s family & neither holds her accountable nor puts forward uncalled for demands. From what we know about his character, it would be too early and unfair to judge his marriage with Zoya, which is being indicated in every other episode. Let’s see what more twists the story unfolds!

1. Hassan from Sabaat (2020):

Hassan from Sabaat (2020)

How could the new heartthrob of Pakistan not make it to our list!? The majority did not see him developing into such a compassionate and pragmatic character. He gives his wife, Anaya due credits for knocking some sense into him, when he was turning into Miraal’s puppet, helps her around with ghar ke kaam, and chose his wife’s self-respect (which was being compromised) over a life of aish o aram (luxuries and comforts). Regardless of the ups and downs we have seen or will see of this character, we cannot shut our eyes to the mesmerizing moments between Hassan and Anaya & their lovely chemistry.

Honorable mention: Aziz Sahab from Sabaat (2020):

Aziz Sahab from Sabaat (2020)

Sabaat gave us yet another character to cherish. This father-daughter duo has captivated us. We realize Anaya is more comfortable sharing and discussing issues with her father, even after her marriage. He is not only a father but a confidante for Anaya too. Moreover, his emphasis on his daughter’s education and the scene where he encourages her to initiate a women’s rights campaign at university beautifully depicts their relationship. Although Fareed Sahab (Hassan’s dad) too showed endless affection for his daughter, his love became toxic for other characters, such as his wife & son. We really want Fareed Sahab to take some notes from Aziz Sabab!

Which is your favourite male character from our recent dramas? Do you think our dramas are now showing a more progressive thinking and moving away from illustrating typical controlling men?